the hospice staff singing my song

I’ve had a lovely past few days and I’m starting to feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

It started with Ross and Gemma arriving back from Uni for the holidays. Hooray! Gemma’s had a pretty mad time of it recently what with one thing and another and it’s great to have her home for a well-earned break after traipsing up and down to London for rounds of graduate placement job interviews followed by a difficult bunch of final year exams. Ross has his exams to come after the holidays, so he’s hoping to fit in a bit of studying amongst the festive frolicking...hm, well, that’s the plan anyway....!

And then there was Gordon’s school concert at The Church of the Holy Rude. What a great night! So many talented singers and musicians in such a beautiful setting. I’m obviously slightly biased but the Vocal Group’s performance was definitely one of the highlights of the concert! Here’s a wee clip of Gordo and friends doing their thing (the video-ing is rubbish, but it's more enjoyable with your eyes closed anyway!):

Sticking to the music theme, I had a really special and lovely time at the hospice's Day Care Christmas Party. I actually didn’t think I was going to manage along but I’m so very glad that I did. I’ve had to make some difficult decisions during this past wee while in connection with the music side of things at Strathcarron and have had to take a bit of a step back from being so involved with bringing basic music therapy to the hospice. I absolutely love working with the patients and their families and the staff and the musicians and the singers and the school groups and everyone else! And, I would love to carry on at the same level that I’ve been used to over this past 9 months or so. However, for various reasons, that's just not possible at the moment and I really do miss the work. Even more so, I really miss the people associated with the work.

Anyway, back to feeling all warm and fuzzy inside! A while ago I wrote a wee ditty to be sung at the Day Care Christmas Party. The party’s a really special occasion as it’s the only time of the year that all the regular day care patients and volunteers from each day get to spend time together. It means that the hospice is even busier, livelier and louder than usual with everyone all mingling in together to create a really special atmosphere. So, I thought it would be great to have as many staff representatives from as many of the different hospice departments as possible coming together to sing for the patients. With that in mind, I adapted The Twelve Days of Christmas and started to recruit members of staff to join in, allocating one of the days of Christmas to each department. So, the physio department was given the line ‘two legs to stretch’ and the medics were given ‘three chests to sound’ and the fundraising department was given ‘six cans to count’ and the auxiliaries were given ‘nine pans to empty’... I'm sure you're getting the gist of it! I’d really just started the process of recruiting the staff Christmas Party Choir when I had to reduce my time spent at the hospice, but I was delighted when one of the nurses took up the mantle and saw the project through to completion! This is how it turned out on the day (apologies for my rubbish video-ing skills again!):




Aw, I was so chuffed to see my wee idea come to life and - much more importantly - hear the patients laugh out loud, sing along and show their heart-felt appreciation to the staff with loud applause and cheers at the end. It was yet another favourite moment from Strathcarron to add to the list! 

You know, I'm keenly aware that this is the most difficult time of the year for many people. The cheery Christmas portrayed by adverts on the telly showing a stereotypical happy family with its stressed-but-always-happy-on-the-day mum, laid back jovial dad, two perfect children, doting grannies and wagging dogs couldn't, in reality, be further from the truth for many folk. Many folk, including some of my relatives and friends, will struggle to have a very merry Christmas. It might be because they're desperately missing someone or because they're desperately worried about someone, or because they're desperately ill or because they're just feeling generally desperate. There are a whole host of reasons why people dread Christmas. 

All of these bits and pieces over the past few days, along with some other bits and bobs, have got my festive season off to a lovely start and I'm so very lucky to be looking forward to a Christmas full of good cheer with my family around me. Yup, so much to feel good about, and so important never to take any of it for granted.

writing this...

I’ve had a funny past wee while, as far as my blog's concerned. I could easily have found something that made me feel good in every day - even the shittiest of days - but for some reason it felt like a bit of an onerous task to sit down, think about what was making me feel good then write a post. Regular readers might have got a sense of that from some of my comments over these past few months. And the lengthy delay between posts probably speaks for itself!

It would be easy for me to blame the lack of motivation to update my blog on being busy. Maybe I’ve just not had the time? I have been really busy; still volunteering at Strathcarron, still trying desperately to keep on top of work work, still doing coursework, still being a member of the choir (though not managing along as much of late), still being there for my family and still keeping up with the dirgy stuff like the housework etc (...only just...!). But, having said that, I’ve been really busy with one thing or another ever since I started writing the blog - whether it was volunteering, work work, some course or another, choir rehearsals and gigs, family things or all the other stuff – and I can’t really remember a time during this past two years when I’ve not been busy. So, I can’t blame my lack of motivation for writing here on not having the time. No matter how busy I was, I used to regularly make the time to write my wee blog.

It might be that I’ve become more disciplined in writing my personal journal. Keeping an up-to-date journal is, for me, a pretty essential part of the Post-grad diploma. I was hopeless at doing it during the skills course last year (maybe because I spent too much time writing blog posts instead?!) so this time I’m determined not to let my journal slip. I’ve got a really rubbish memory, so the more I jot down at the end of the day the better! Hm, maybe my blog-time has now become journal-time? But, writing a personal journal doesn’t give me anything like the same kind of pleasure that writing a post for my wee blog gives me. So, surely I’d still make the time to write my blog more regularly if that was it?

Maybe it’s because I’ve felt quite sad on quite a few more occasions than usual over this past wee while. I keep losing people, and things, and special people from things, and things that involved working with special people. Ocht, that probably doesn’t make much sense; it’s just that I’m wondering if feeling a bit sad recently has played a part in my lack of motivation to write here. But, there's definitely been plenty of good stuff mixed in with the sad - and there’ve been plenty of other occasions over the course of this past 2 years when I’ve felt sad about something but still felt keen to write a post for my wee blog. Nope, I don’t think that’s it.

Hm, maybe my wee blog is reaching its sell-by date this time. Maybe it’s run its course. Maybe there isn’t any one particular reason why I haven’t felt like writing a post. Maybe I’m over-thinking it! When I’ve toyed with shutting up my blog shop in the past, good friends and loyal distant followers have been kind enough to say that they’d miss it if it was gone. Is that it? Do I need some kind of positive feedback every now and again to help motivate me to continue? Ocht, I’m disappointed with myself for even considering that to be the reason. I'm not looking for sympathy, empathy, or for my blog posts to be praiseworthy, creditworthy or any other kind of -thy! I’ve said right from the beginning that the purpose of the blog was simply to encourage me to write, without getting hung up on the technicalities, about things that made me feel good. It wasn’t to create a popular piece of prose! I’m touched that I touch some people in some way or another with some of the things I write - but that should never be the sole reason for me keeping on with my blog. It should always be something I do to make me feel good. Writing this, right now, is making me feel good. Making readers feel good too is a glorious added bonus.

I think I might just have answered my question. 

Ocht, it's so simple. There doesn’t need to be a time-limit between posts, and I shouldn’t get so hung up on reasons why I haven’t felt like writing a post. It doesn't matter! Sometimes I'll have the time or motivation to write here, sometimes I won't. Jeeso, I don't know why I was making such a big deal of it!

There we go; I’m definitely not ready to say goodbye to my wee blog and lose yet another thing that makes me feel good! Decision made: this wee blog’s here to stay for another wee while yet. 

And, dear reader, if you've managed to stick it out till the end of this post - well done! I'm going to leave you with a song. It's really in tribute to one of my best choir buddies (you know who you are and I'm going to miss you SO much!), but it also just seemed like a nice wee song to finish off my ramblings tonight. See you ..... sometime soon!

music here and there...

It’s been ages since I last wrote about anything on my wee blog. I was going to do a ‘this’s been happening and that’s been happening’ kind of spiel, but too much’s been happening for that! So, I’ll just go back to basics and tell you one of the things that made me feel good today.

I’ve been a bit down in the dumps over these past few days and a bit weepy. Ocht, it’s just not like me and I’ve been trying so hard to shake it off! There’s a reason for me feeling a bit upset, but it’s not something I feel comfortable about sharing, so I'll just keep that part of the story to myself. I’ve not been a total misery guts and, as ever, I’ve been finding plenty of things in my days to make me feel good: spending time with Gemma while she was home over the weekend; learning interesting stuff at Uni yesterday and getting the go-ahead to start my placement work with clients (woohoo!); demolishing a bottle of wine on Monday night and enjoying lots of boozy chit-chat with Alex (I’d been looking forward to a good ‘get-it-out-your-system-sing-song’ but choir practice was cancelled and I was left with no option but to hit the bottle instead...!); enjoying a nice lunch with a good friend; watching Gordon perform on stage with a fantastic vocal group made up of pupils from our local schools; and finding out that I’m not the only middle aged wifey who suffers from a freezing cold nose......

OK, so that last one sounds a bit weird – let me just quickly explain! My nose gets really cold, and I mean really cold. Poor Alex’s had to put up with me going on about it, and getting him to feel how cold my nose is, day in, day out, “Feel it! It’s absolutely freezing, isn’t it?!” Even when the rest of my body is nice and toasty, my nose can be sooo cold. And it gets sore too; it’s so cold sometimes it’s actually quite painful. Stop laughing – it’s not funny! Gemma thought it was funny too, but she humoured me by typing ‘freezing cold nose’ into Google and, low and behold, came across one of these forum thingies with a thread full of posts from women all over the world bemoaning the fact that their nose was always freezing. Even better, they’re all in their 40’s or 50’s and they’re all either menopausal or, like me, have had a hysterectomy in recent years! There’s a whole community out there of wifeys with freezing cold noses! It’s a syndrome waiting to be discovered! I didn’t go so far as joining the forum; these women were taking it all a bit too serious for my liking (“it almost broke up my marriage, my husband just doesn’t understand how debilitating it is...”) but I did take some comfort from the fact that I wasn’t imagining the fact that my nose was sometimes unnaturally cold!

Anyway, as I was saying, I’ve been feeling a bit rubbishy over the past few days but it’s definitely not all been bad and today was no different. After spending the morning catching up on work work, Alex and I headed off to the funeral of someone who’s been a close friend of Alex’s family for many years. Jessie was 92 when she died and had only become more dependent on others during the past couple of years. It was a ‘nice’ funeral, and we came away with a real sense of Jessie having had a lovely, and fitting, send off. Much of that was down to the minister who conducted the service. She was quite theatrical and had a beautiful, operatic singing voice - which thankfully drowned out the drones of those of us who aren’t at all religious and only know the most popular hymns in the book! She clearly knew Jessie well and had visited her many times in the nursing home – but she didn’t just go for a blether; she used to take her guitar in during her visits so that she could sing and play for all the residents. How lovely! I’ll bet the old ladies and gents got so much out of that; I’ve witnessed, on so many occasions, the uplifting effects of taking live music into the hospice and I don’t imagine it to be all that different in a Nursing Home!

It was so fitting that my friend Paul sent me a message tonight to tell me that he'd had another successful visit to Strathcarron earlier on today. I usually try to be at the hospice when folk come in to perform for - or play along with - the patients, but I was otherwise engaged at Jessie’s funeral when Paul visited today. However, I just love the fact that all the while that I was sitting listening to the minister telling us about the difference she’d made to elderly people’s lives by singing and playing guitar for them in their Nursing Home, one of my lovely Myriad of Music volunteers was actually making a difference to the lives of people who have life-limiting illness by singing and playing guitar for them in the hospice! 

And that was just the ticket to make me feel really good today!

When a picture brightens a boring and sad day...

I was having a really boring day today doing the necessary evil of making a start on our wee business’s year-end accounts. The year-end stuff’s not all that much different from the quarterly stuff that has to be done when I’m submitting our VAT return: sitting surrounded by piles of messy paperwork; pumping numbers into the computer and hoping that SAGE will sort it all out; hunting for misplaced receipts; trying to make sense of the odd withdrawal and deposit that don’t correlate to any of the invoices or receipts in any of the many piles; cursing when I can’t get the books to balance; making promises to myself that from now on I’ll definitely be more organised with the paperwork on a day-to-day basis; cheering out loud when I hit ‘reconcile’ for the umpteenth time and the two columns match at last; feeling miserable when I’m brave enough to come out from behind my hands to see how much VAT we owe; and, finally, saying ‘Ocht well, at least that’s it finished for another quarter! Hooray!’ and enjoying a big glass of wine or a cold beer to celebrate! It’s been more-or-less the same routine for over twenty five years and, as much as I don’t enjoy ‘doing the books’, I’m hoping that we’ll still have a wee business to do the books for for some time to come! The way things are at the moment in the construction industry, we consider ourselves extremely lucky to still have books to cook!, em, I mean audit...

The day, however, was broken up with a wee visit to my Mum’s. I always try to see Mum on the 25^th of October as this is the day that Dad died, 19 years ago. Some folk don’t mark this kind of anniversary in any way, and I think it’s such a personal thing that there’s no right or wrong way to do it, but me and Mum like to try and squeeze in an extra cuddle on the 25^th. Nothing more than that’s necessary really. Just a wee hug, or a wee chat on the phone if one of us is away somewhere and I can’t go see her. Spending a bit of time with mum had already brightened my day, but I had another real ‘feel good’ moment when I came home.

I’d had my ipod on shuffle during the drive back from Mums and I couldn’t help smiling when the Rolling Stones version of ‘Wild Horses’ started blaring out. It’s only just over a week since I was singing my wee solo verse of ‘Wild Horses’ at the Bertie and wishing that my Dad was there to see me doing my thing! And then it dawned on me that I had a painting up in the loft that Dad had bought for me many years ago. I can’t begin to express how good it made me feel to go up into the loft, eventually find the painting, wipe the dust off and have a good long look at it. I think it was taken down off the wall, along with a load of other pictures, when we last decorated (many moons ago...) and it just got overlooked when the old, and some new, pictures were hung back up. I’ll be finding a new place for it in our house – once it’s had a proper clean – and it’ll be back on view where it belongs!

Here’s the picture:

And here’s me doing my thing with all my choir buddies:

A picture of a horse from my Dad and singing my first solo on a song called 'Wild Horses'! What a happy coincidence! And that's what made me feel really good on an otherwise pretty boring, and pretty sad, day. Yup, Feeling Good!:

Still Bertie Buzzing!

Well, the Bertie buzz just keeps going on and on! What a fantastic night. In fact, I’m kind of stuck for words for fear of launching into a repetitive and long list of superlatives! Ocht, on the other hand, why choose now to change the habits of the lifetime of this wee blog?!

After writing yesterday’s post, I spent a good couple of hours on important things like having a last ditch attempt at trying to learn lyrics so that I wouldn’t have to look at the words once during the whole concert (fail!); deciding which tights I should wear (result! Ladder-free all night!); deciding whether I should do my make-up at home or at the Bertie (good call as we didn’t have much time between sound-check rehearsal and performance. Enough time for a quick re-touch job. There’s only so much you can do with the war paint at my age anyway!); having a last practice of my solos (result – I managed to do them without a bum note, I think, and I remembered all the words!); deciding how many bottles of water to take (Yup, five wasn’t too many! I drink a lot of water between songs – think it’s more of a nerves thing than a thirst thing - hence the reason why I’m always first to rush off the stage...); deciding whether to go straight or curly (being heavy-handed with the straightners was a good call as the heat on the stage would’ve had me looking like Crystal Tipps if I’d gone for wavy; deciding whether to wear a wee cardy or not (BIG mistake with this one; the photos are unforgiving on the big chicken arms department!); and, lastly, practicing the surprise ‘Thriller’ dance that we were doing as part of our encore (FAIL!! I nailed it when I was practicing, but come the real thing, in front of hundreds of folk... Oh dear!). While all of that was going on Gordon, my fellow choir member and youngest son, was ensconced in front of the telly; cool as a cucumber and throwing his eyes up in the air every time I flew in and out of the room, and wondering how he managed to get landed with a mother who needed his advice on whether to go for 10 denier natural or 15 denier black....poor soul! Alex had escaped the mayhem to compete alongside Ross in a cross country event up in Dundee. Good call. Gemma had nipped across from St Andrews with her good pal Lizzie to cheer them on before coming to the concert at night. Good call staying clear of the house!

Anyway, after all that, we both headed off to the Bertie to get down to the serious business of the sound check and last wee rehearsal. Aw, it was just great to walk in and start to properly share in the big Bertie buzz with everyone. I was, however, really sad to discover that one of my friends, and fellow soloist on 'Feeling Good', Laura had pulled a muscle in her chest, was in a whole lot of pain, and wouldn’t be able to take to the stage. I felt so gutted for her and I’m already looking forward to a future gig where I’m sure she'll get the chance to entertain another audience with her beautiful voice. As was to be expected, it took a bit of time for the sound guys to get the mikes set up properly and the sound sorted out, and it took a wee while for us to get used to singing on the big stage again. We’re spoiled with rehearsals in a church; the acoustics are awesome and we can all hear each other really clearly, so it’s a bit freaky when you start singing on the stage and can only hear the two people either side of you (I don’t mean that Becky and Christine’s voices are freaky, I mean that it’s more difficult to find your cues, or know if you’re getting it right, if you can only hear the two beautiful voices either side of you!).  As was also to be expected, some of us made a fair few mistakes but, as the old saying goes “best to get it wrong in rehearsal and right on the night!” (or something like that!). And that’s what Annie reminded us of – more eloquently than that – as we made our way to the changing rooms to get ready for the performance.

 A very fast thirty minutes later, it was time to hit the stage. Fortunately, I’d had enough time to throw a couple of yoghurts down my neck, quickly change into my new red frock – and 15 denier black tights - and swallow half a flask of hot water and honey. My throat had been sore all day, so I was resorting to the best old fashioned remedy. It reminded me so much of one of my school shows; we’d been performing it all week and I had two songs to sing on my own. I woke up on the morning of the last day with no voice. Mum, as ever, came to the rescue and plied me with a disgusting concoction of hot water, glycerine and honey. Aw man, it was mingin! I can still remember the taste to this day but it did the trick! I managed to finish the last show and get though every song. Fortunately on this occasion, thirty odd years later, I just had a sore throat and hadn’t lost my voice so I reckoned I could get away without the mankiness of glycerine!

After a nervous wait backstage, and a lovely introduction from our young compere, we all filed out onto the stage. I think we all sensed right away that it was going to be a great night. The audience was big, loud, warm and encouraging right from the very start, and I think we all kind of fed off that. When the folk with their bums on the seats are there to enjoy themselves, and make that clear right from the off, it makes it really easy for the choir members to enjoy themselves. And, as Katie, one of my lovely choir buddies said yesterday, when we’re enjoying ourselves, we’re more relaxed, and when we’re more relaxed, we sound great, and when we sound great the audience enjoy themselves and when the audience are enjoying themselves we’re enjoying ourselves...etc, etc! Having said that, we’ve done some gigs in the past where the audience has been pretty non-responsive and, well, not looking as if they’re enjoying themselves and that hasn’t really stopped us from having a blast! So, maybe my theory’s a load of nonsense – but it was definitely great to have such a brilliant audience cheering us on last night! It meant such a lot to have so many members of my family and most of my best friends in the audience too. I’m sure that helped to calm my nerves a wee bit before we got to the 5^th song in the programme and my first solo. I’d listened to every soloist before me do an amazing job; Ray and Cara on 'Flower of Scotland' (great way to open the show), Greig  and Katy on 'Footloose' (aw man, that had to be one of my many favourites of the night; Greig and Katy are a couple and they just looked and sounded awesome together – and we were all giving it laldy behind them – great fun!), Drew and Annie on 'You Got The Love' (Drew’s a huge character in the choir and has the most original dance moves I’ve ever seen in my entire life) and Morag, Donna, Carrie, Sandra and Paul on 'Black Horse and the Cherry Tree' (during which I was so relieved to remember to not sing ‘Woohoo’ when I wasn’t supposed to!). Then it was my turn. I’m trying to remember what was going through my head as I walked to the mike at the front of the stage, to stand alongside my fellow soloists Sharron and Cara. “Get a grip woman!” comes to mind, but I think next, very quickly, came “Imagine Dad’s out there watching you.” And then I think I forgot that I was worried about forgetting my words or making a mess of it, and I just sang the song. I’ve been a wee bit overwhelmed by some of the lovely messages that I’ve received from folk, and I’m so grateful for them taking the time to let me know that they were moved by the choir’s rendition of 'Wild Horses', or enjoyed our version of 'Feeling Good'. The more experienced and seasoned soloists will be used to that reaction, and will know full well how good it makes you feel, but it’s new  for me and a lovely addition to my Bertie Buzz!

The rest of the concert went on with one fantastic performance after another. There were so many fantastic moments, like our rendition of a truly brilliant song written by Paul (the same Paul that comes into the hospice and cheerily plays guitar for the patients). The choir as a whole sounded brilliant on every song (I'm reliably informed by my friends and family!) and the soloists all gave it laldy. I’m so in awe of their incredible voices, and I so admire the confidence and personal touch that they all bring to their solos. That was highlighted during many of the songs last night. ‘Say A Little Prayer’ is a great example. Three soloists; Sharron, Ash and Paula, three lovely girls with awesome voices to boot, but each also really different, and any one of them could give Aretha Franklin a run for her money! I’m not joking! There are too many soloists and there were too many songs to mention them all. Actually, no there weren’t.  I can’t let this blog post go by without making sure that all of my choir buddies were included somehow or another! This is copied from last night’s programme:

The audience whooped, clapped and cheered and we all just had a brilliant time. Facebook today has been such a lively, happy place for choir members and provided a great platform to release some of that, still very active, adrenalin! I’m waiting with bated breath for a video of our encore to be posted as I’ve had such a ribbing from family and friends about being way out of time on the Thriller dance. With a bit of luck the big tall Zombie with the crazy hair won’t feature too clearly on the recording and my face, with or without Zombie mask, will be saved from disgrace!

I’m thinking that you deserve a medal if you’ve stuck with this post – it’s been a long and fairly repetitive list of superlatives – and I’m thinking that some of you might be thinking “Jeeso, it’s only a choir, and it was only a concert in a town’s hall that holds around 600 folk, and it was only shoving on a red dress and going out for a sing-song on a Saturday night! What’s she on about?!” Ocht, it’s just really hard to explain. It was all of those things, but it was so much more. And I loved every minute of it. I loved that my hubbie, daughter, son, mum, practically-big-sister and my mother and father-in-law were sitting all in a row together, that my other son was on the stage with me and that lots of my pals were dotted around the audience. I loved that all the choir rehearsals on a Monday night have not only been brilliant in their own right, but have resulted in a show that made lots of local people really happy and really glad that they chose to go to a choir concert rather than watch X-Factor. I loved feeling so many different emotions yesterday; nervous, excited, sad, proud, anxious, happy. I loved standing next to my special choir pal, Christine and sharing lots of special moments with her. And, as ever,  I loved spending time with all the rest of my choir friends.

Every single one of them played a part in making me feel sooooo good last night, whether it was by wishing me luck for the solos, making me laugh, zipping me into my dress, making me cry with their amazing voices, singing so brilliantly together or simply by being part of the wonderful thing that is the mighty Heart of Scotland Choir. 

The Bertie Buzz!

A few hours from now me my choir pals will be on the stage in Stirling! The choir has adopted the nickname 'Bertie' for The Albert Halls so, today, we're all feeling the 'Bertie Buzz!' It’s two years since the Heart of Scotland Choir was formed and the concert’s being held, partly, in celebration of that fact. I can’t think of a more enjoyable way to celebrate! But, there’s more to it than that; the title of tonight’s show is ‘Born This Way, and I think that’s really apt for a Community Choir concert. Gareth Malone has done an incredible job of raising the profile of community choirs and getting the message across that singing isn’t just for lovies, or folk with incredible voices, or pop stars, or opera stars or church-goers, or kids in the playground, or Welsh miners, or music students – ocht, you get the picture. Singing’s for everyone, and that’s what a good community choir’s all about. It brings folk from a large, diverse group (in our case, the Central Belt) together to form one thriving, inspiring, make-you-feel-good community (the Choir). We’re all born different, and we all have different backgrounds, and we all have different jobs, and we all have different family set-ups and, well, you get the picture; we’re all different. But, we all have something very much in common in that we enjoy spending time in each other’s company, we love singing together and we like making good music - both with our voices and with the various musical instruments that some of the talented musicians in our community can play!

Like any community, it has its ups and downs too; it would be unrealistic to suggest that everything’s always hunky-dory, or that there isn’t a feeling of sadness when a member, for whatever reason, leaves the group. I was thinking about that kind of thing recently when I was watching one of the series of Heart of Scotland ‘Rockumentaries’, which document the story of the choir during its first year. Watching us all being interviewed, and singing at various gigs, really brought it home to me how much I miss some of the people who are no longer members; I’ll be thinking about them tonight,  and feeling grateful to have had them as choir buddies in the past. I’ll also miss some of our members who can’t make the concert because they’re off on holiday, or have other commitments. Just like in any community, missing members are just that; missed!

I’m pretty sure that my friends and family are fed-up listening to me going on about how nervous I’m feeling, so they’ll be pretty glad when the concert’s finally come and gone! But, although I've got a tummy full of butterflies, I’m excited too and I’m looking forward to tonight very much. I keep thinking about the post I wrote a few weeks ago, when I was saying that it's OK to hit the odd bum note or two when you’re among friends. And, after all, that’s where I’ll be tonight; among good friends – both on stage and off! Still, I think I’d better go and squeeze in one more practice before it’s time to head to the Bertie! I just wish I had a tenth of my son’s confidence - and I hope the Bertie audience enjoy our performance tonight as much as this lovely bunch did earlier on this year.....

The boys and their beer coming home from Belgium

Alex and the boys are just back from a long weekend trip to Belgium.  Some wee blog post or another in the future I’ll tell you all about Alex and Ross’s beer project but, in the meantime,  it’s suffice to say that the boys combine their love of running with their love of beer and use both as an excuse to visit new places and have good fun! Gordon's not fussed about running, but he’s reached an age where he’s more than happy to join in with the beer-drinking aspect of the project!

The main reason for their trip was the Brussels half marathon. Unfortunately Ross couldn’t run as he has a bad dose of the lurgy, but Alex enjoyed the race and ran a pretty respectable time. Yup, there’s still plenty of life in the auld dog yet! I had a lovely time with Gemma while the boys were away; we didn’t venture off anywhere exciting, but just enjoyed spending some good quality blethering time together at home!

So, a good weekend was had by all and I’m looking forward to tucking in to the Belgian chocolate that was brought home. Having said that, I’m actually surprised they had any room at all for chocolate in the car......

Thinking about two special people on their birthday

Today would’ve been my Dad and his twin sister’s birthday. They would’ve been 76 today. My dad died nearly 19 years ago, when he was 57, and his sister – my lovely aunt – died just last week.  Although they were twins, they’d always been really different. Apart from the obvious (one was male and the other female), they also had very different personalities and interests. They were also very different in the nature of their death. One died really suddenly, of a massive heart attack, when he was only 57; the other died after a long fight against cancer, when she was 75. Something they were both very alike with was their commitment and dedication to their families. My heart’s aching for my uncle and my cousins, and it’s a really difficult time for my wee mum too. My aunt was one of her oldest and best friends; in fact, my mum and dad would never have met if it wasn’t for their friendship. Ocht, life’s just not fair sometimes!

I had a great night at choir tonight; the band were at rehearsal so that we could all practice together for our up-and-coming concert in the Albert Halls in Stirling (13^th of October – if you’re not doing anything that you should come along!) I know I’ve said it so many times before, but it really is amazing how a good sing-song, or even just listening to a favourite piece of music, can lift your spirits.  I was thinking a lot about my Dad and my aunt tonight as something else they had in common was their passion for singing. I always enjoy singing along with my choir buddies on a Monday night but tonight was a real tonic!

So, before I hit the sack, I’ve decided to dig out a recording, from many moons ago, of me singing and Gemma playing the piano. I've decided to post it here as a wee ‘Happy Birthday’ to my Dad and my aunt. It sums up how I feel about Alex, how my Mum felt about my Dad, and how my Aunt felt about my Uncle. Jeeso, poems one post and songs the next! Anyway, here's my way of saying Happy Birthday to two very special people: 

Happy Birthday to two very special people

Taking the good with the sad

I’m finding it frustrating that I don’t have as much time to write as I used to, and I’m wondering if now would maybe be a good time to take a break from writing my blog altogether. That thought doesn’t make me feel good, because I enjoy writing my wee blog posts, but I feel annoyed with myself when too much time passes between posts. This past week’s a good example. There’s been so much to write about that would’ve been perfect for a ‘What’s making me feel good today’ spiel, but I’ve not had the time to jot any of it down.

Tracey and Dave’s wedding last Saturday is a case in point. Aw, it was such a glorious day, from start to finish, and I would’ve loved to have written about it. The weather couldn’t have been better – the sun was splitting the heavens – and the conservatory of the Stirling Management Centre (where the wedding was held) was bathed in sunshine. Tracey was absolutely stunning – as was the whole wedding party, but with none being a patch on our beautiful bride – and she smiled from the moment she walked down the aisle with her very proud Dad till the moment I last saw her that day; sitting in the bar with her husband in the wee small hours (the last to leave the party!). The ceremony was just lovely and I managed to read my poem without stumbling on any of the words! Hooray! It seemed to go down well; Tracey and Dave loved it and that’s really all that mattered. Drinks and canapés out in the sunshine, followed by a few more drinks in the bar, preceded the speeches and meal. Aw man, the speeches were so emotional. Tracey’s Dad, Brian, was really nervous but that didn’t detract at all from how very proud he was of his gorgeous wee Princess (who’s now in her thirties but will always be his gorgeous wee Princess!) and how very happy he was about welcoming such a great son-in-law to his family. Dave’s speech was awesome. His emotions were almost tangible; I felt like I could reach out and touch the love that was spilling out of him as he spoke. It was so, so lovely and a real privilege to be there; it’s not often you witness folk being so honest and real about how they feel – especially when it meant that the Best Man won the ‘will he/won’t he cry’ bet hands down! The Best Man (Darryl)’s, speech was great too and the overriding theme from everyone who spoke on the day was just how ‘right’ Tracey and Dave are for each other.  They’re actually just meant to be...   Dancing, more food and drink, good fun with good friends and lots of laughs followed before we finally hit the sack in the wee small hours. Ocht, it was just very special and it left me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside!

So, that’s one thing that I wanted to write about but couldn’t find the time. One of the other things was a visit from one of my choir friends to the hospice. Mair, who plays the flute beautifully, came along to Day Care and totally wowed the patients and staff. I’m absolutely kicking myself that I didn’t video any of it; you’ll just have to take my word for it that she was awesome. Not only did the patients enjoy listening to Mair play flute, they also thoroughly enjoyed listening to her sing. One of my other good friends from choir, Cara, is working on a student placement at Strathcarron at the moment so we got together with Mair and sang a few songs. Aw man, we had such good fun – and I think the patients and staff enjoyed it too! I’m still loving working at the hospice and trying to keep the music initiative going as much as I can. There are only so many hours I can commit to as a volunteer though, so I really need to work harder at getting more volunteers on board. Problem is, I enjoy doing it so much and don’t really want to give too much of it up! I can think of worse problems to have!

The other thing I didn’t find time to write about was a trip to the theatre with Alex and Gordon. I’ve written before about how proud we were of Gordon for doing so well in his exams and this wee trip was his ‘Well Done’ pressie. You’re maybe thinking we’re a bit weird; most kids get money these days when they do well, but I prefer to give a ‘thing’ that the kids will remember as a symbol of how proud we are. Whether it’s a book, a trip, a meal out, or whatever; it’s something that they’ve either chosen or that we know is something special that they’ll enjoy. Gordon loves going to the cinema and the theatre, so he chose to go see Phantom of the Opera at the Playhouse in Edinburgh. The three of us had a great night out, Gordon absolutely loved the show, and I just love that we share a passion for the musicals. Phantom’s one of Alex’s favourites too, so it was a big thumbs up all round!

Of course, as with most weeks, I had to take the bad or sad along with the good, but this week had a particularly sad edge to it as a special relative of mine died. I don’t want to write anything much about it now, but I think it’s important to highlight the fact that just because I write posts on a blog called ‘What’s Making Me Feel Good Today..?’ it doesn’t mean that things don’t happen that make me feel bad or sad. It wouldn’t be real life if that was the case, would it?

Well, there we go, after saying that I didn’t have the time to write about stuff that’s happened this week, I’ve written about stuff that’s happened this week! This was supposed to be a thinking-out-loud-helping-me-to-decide-if-I-should-stop-writing-my-blog kind of post. Ocht, maybe I’ll just leave all that for another day, a day when I’ve got a wee bit more time on my hands....

In the meantime, here’s a wee video of the poem I wrote and read out during the Wedding ceremony. I recorded this for Tracey and Dave before the wedding, so that we had the opportunity to change any part of it they didn’t like. Fortunately, they were delighted with it as it was. As you’ll hear, it’s definitely not Shakespeare, and it’s more of a wee ditty than a poem, but – just like all the other speeches that day – it hopefully sums up our lovely Bride and Groom. It’s called ‘Just Meant To Be’:

Being off key but not put off

This week’s been a bit crazy so far, but in a really good way. My head’s buzzing with everything that I’ve been doing on the course, but I’ve had other things going on that’ve also made it a great week, such as an exciting wedding rehearsal and a lovely meal out with two special friends. But there was a particular wee thing that happened on Monday night that really made me feel great.

After coming home from Uni, I went to a rehearsal for my friends’ wedding before rushing on to choir. I was totally hyper by the time I arrived at choir – I’d been all excited about starting my course in the morning, had had a busy day at Uni, had rushed to do some work work when I got home, flew out the door to get to the wedding venue on time, had a really lovely time with Tracey and Dave (the bride and groom), had got all excited when the minister gave me my instructions for the cue to read my poem on Saturday, then jumped back into the car and flew off to choir so that I would catch the last half of rehearsal. 

Consequently, I probably had a fair amount of adrenalin pumping through me by the time I hurried into Cambusbarron church to the sound of the choir singing ‘Feeling Good’. As I made my way down the aisle, Annie signalled for me to join the other soloists. I rushed up to the front and got there just in time to belt out the first line of the verse that I’ve to sing.

And I was completely off key. And I just carried on. And I seemed to get it together for the rest of it. And it was OK to get it wrong. And it probably sounds daft, but that’s what made me feel great.  

I’ll probably always feel nervous singing on my own at choir, but there was something really good about getting it wrong, and it being OK to get it wrong. Ocht, I’m thinking that folk’ll be reading this and thinking “what the hang’s she on about?!”  I’m probably not explaining it very well. I think I’m just trying to say that it made me feel good that I didn’t feel horrible getting it wrong. It’s a lot to do with being in amongst good friends, but I think it’s also a lot to do with chasing off the ‘the world’s going to be a horrible place if you hit a bum note’ gremlins! 

 I guess we all hit bum notes with all sorts of things at times, but it’s great when the odd bum note doesn't spoil the tune. I think that’s what I’m trying to say.

Going back to Uni

Today’s the start of something new. On the same day that Ross’s Second Year Uni ‘Fresher’s Week' starts and Gemma’s final year of Uni course work starts, I’m starting my Postgrad Diploma course at Strathclyde Uni. So, this is a hastily scribbled post while I’m throwing my breakfast down and thinking about what lies ahead; two years as a part-time student (though I’m in every day for this first week) while finding the fit for it around work work for our wee business and my work at the hospice. It’s going to be a busy time, but I’m really looking forward to it (with some trepidation of course, but it would be weird if I didn’t feel a wee bit nervous!). 

So, I better head off and pack my school-bag! It does feel kind of strange to be heading off to Uni on the same day as two of my kids are (assuming that they’ve managed out of their kips from their respective digs....), and I’m delighted to have their support for me doing it. But, I’m excited and feeling good about this next new thing; meeting new people, learning new things and making the most of this new experience.

...and, I'm pretty sure that I'll have a  much better attendance record than I did during my first time around at Uni over twenty years ago....!

The end of my summer...

We’re hitting the road down to London later on today and staying overnight before helping move Gemma (and her stuff!) back home tomorrow morning. Her summer internship, working all sorts of god-forsaken hours in one of the big offices in Canary Wharf, finishes today and I cannot wait to bring her home. Having said that, she’ll only actually be home for one night as she’ll be off again on Sunday - as she starts back to Uni on Monday - but she’ll still be home in the sense that she’ll be back in Scotland and only a short car journey up the road! 

I kind of feel that this is my official 'end of summer'.  Ever since April, I’ve been saying how great it was to have Ross ‘home for the summer’, even though it was really Spring! And ever since early June, I’ve been saying that Gemma was working away ‘for the summer’, even though she wasn't finishing till mid-September. Earlier this week, Ross moved back through to Glasgow to prepare for the start of his second year at Uni and tomorrow Gemma comes home. So, it’s officially the end of the summer! 

I’m missing Ross and it was with a heavy heart that I saw him off on Tuesday. It’s been brilliant having him back living at home these past five months, and I’m so very proud of how committed he's been to his full-time 'summer' job (he's had one week off since April!). No long lazy student summers in this house! It's definitely easier saying ‘Cheerio’ to the kids now than it was when they first started leaving home - but I think it’ll always still make me a little bit sad. It’s more of a feeling of gentle tugging at my heart strings, rather than a feeling of having them wrapped round knuckles and harshly yanked out – but it still hurts.

Having said all of that, Gemma will be back in her own wee bed – even if it is just for one night – on Saturday, Ross is coming through to see her (and stay over because he’s running in the Stirling 10k on Sunday morning) and Gordon has taken the night off work. So, we’ll have a night all together – and you know how good that makes me feel!  

Roll on Saturday! It’s the end of the summer and - come rain, high winds, or shine – it’s going to be a lovely day.

more about Monday...

My last post was a bit misleading; I sort of suggested that singing at choir had been the only the only thing that made me feel good on Monday! In truth, there were quite a few other things that made me feel good that day.  

First, I had a lovely time in Glasgow with my mum shopping for an outfit for an up and coming wedding. I took a big bundle of outfits into the John Lewis changing room and, with mum’s help, whittled it down to two dresses. Both of them came home with me, but I’ll be taking back the one that I don’t end up wearing (i.e. I’ll find it in a bag at the bottom of my wardrobe next Spring...). There’s a blue flowery number and a sort of grey lacey number; mum likes the blue flowers and Alex likes the grey lace. Typical! So, Gemma’s getting the casting vote when she comes home from London at the weekend (HOORAAAY – GEMMA’S COMING HOME!!! Now that definitely makes me feel good!) I’m really excited about this wedding as (a) I haven’t been to a wedding for years (b) I’m very fond of the bride and groom and can’t wait to see them tie the knot (c) I was commissioned (fingers wiggling under chin and saying ‘ooooh’) to write a poem that I’ve to read out during the ceremony and (d) it’s going to be a cracking knees-up! 

Getting back to my ‘things that made me feel good on Monday’ list; it was just brilliant to have Alex home – see previous post for further details! 

And then, of course, ANDY MURRAY WON THE US OPEN! Aw man, what a match! The only downer was that it was broadcast on Sky, so folk like my wee mum missed out on watching it (though, my wee mum was probably knackered anyway after traipsing about Glasgow with me all day and probably wouldn’t have been able to keep her eyes open into the wee small hours!) Aw, it’s just brilliant that a lovely young lad from up the road in Dunblane has ended an incredible summer of British sporting highlights with such a historic achievement. Just brilliant. 

So, there we are, I’ve put Monday’s record straight. And, as I said previously, it really was a perfect night to be singing ‘Feeling Good’!

Singing Feeling Good!

Yup, it's as simple as that. Singing a song at choir that epitomises what my wee blog is all about - and even being lucky enough to be given a wee solo part - that's what's made me feel good today!

Alex coming home

I first met Alex when I was 12 years old. I first went on a date with him when I was 13. I fell out with him a few weeks later. I came back to my senses when I was the ripe old age of 15 and, well, we’ve been together ever since. In all those years, the longest we’ve ever spent apart is 2 weeks – and that was a fair few years ago! We’re just not used to spending any length of time away from each other. (Stop laughing!) So, when he phoned from Sweden this morning to tell me that he was coming home earlier than expected, ocht, it just made my day! 

I think I’ve mentioned somewhere on my blog before that in all our 25 years in business, the furthest afield that Alex has worked is Campbeltown! So, getting the opportunity to do some masonry work in Sweden was definitely something a bit different! He’s there with one of our employees and they were supposed to be coming back mid-week but they’ve managed to finish the job ahead of schedule so will be back late tomorrow night. I know that some of my pals thought it was hilarious that I was making a bit of a deal of the fact that Alex and I were going to be apart for a whole ten days (especially those whose partners work away from home for months on end!) but it’s just something that we’re not used to! And, surely, it’s all relative, isn’t it?! I consider ourselves really lucky that we don't have to contemplate being apart all that often. Anyway, I’m like a cat on a hot tin roof now and can’t wait to see him tomorrow night! 

The week’s flown past and I haven’t managed to get half of what I’d hoped to get done done. I have managed to tick a few things off my list: 

Finish enrolment process for impending Postgrad course: yup

 

Send photo to Uni so that I can get my student card so that I can get 10% off in some places: yup

Read first book on pre-course reading list: kept nodding off but, yup

Read second book on pre-course reading list: yup, thoroughly enjoyed it

Re-read first book on pre-course reading list as you didn’t take any of it in first time around: nope

Compile and submit application to present project overview at ‘Help the Hospices’ National Conference: must be mad, but yup

Tackle the work work ‘to do’ pile: don’t be silly

DO SOME HOUSEWORK WOMAN: em, nope

Keep up with essential work work while Alex’s away: yup

Blow the work work ‘to do’ pile and the housework and spend more time volunteering at the hospice: yup 

This wee list and all the other bits and pieces that made up my week – such as a nice Sunday dinner with my mum; yet another fantastic choir rehearsal where Gordon unleashed his dark side during a brilliant impression of Vincent Price in Heart of Scotland’s version of ‘Thriller’; a lovely catch-up breakfast with my special ‘anon’ pal; a sweet afternoon tea with an elderly friend and a thoroughly enjoyable sing-song afternoon with day care patients at the hospice – have probably contributed to the time speeding past. And, there’s more to come before Alex comes home: I’m in the middle of writing a poem for two very special friends’ wedding and have set myself a deadline of tonight; I’m spending some  time tomorrow through in Glasgow with my mum (shopping for dress for said wedding!); I have a pile of unopened ‘that looks like nothing important but it’s not junk’ mail to clear from the kitchen table and I’m really looking forward to my usual choir rehearsal endorphin-fix tomorrow evening. 

 

So, back to the poem I go. I'm thoroughly enjoying writing it; it's a poem for two people who are very much in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together - and don't like to spend too much time apart.... Somehow the words are coming fairly easily...

One day like this...

You know how you have those special songs that make you feel really good and as soon as you hear the very first few notes you have a distinct and happy memory of where you were and what you were doing the very first time you heard it? (It’s the same basic principle that I based my whole ‘Myriad of Music’ project on at Strathcarron...!) Well, we sang a song that does exactly that for me at choir last night and, aw man, did it make me feel good! 

About 3 years ago, I was out one lovely sunny morning for a walk. Even though it was a lovely sunny morning I was feeling rubbish. I was walking a route that I used to run regularly and I was feeling ridiculously sorry for myself that I had to walk instead of run. Regular readers of my wee blog will know that I quite often bemoan the fact that I had to give up running several years ago due to some health issues; moaning about the fact that I can’t run anymore is still something I feel guilty about as folk have to suffer much worse things in their lives! However, I think it’s just that every time I’m reminded that I can’t run anymore I’m reminded of all the years of stuff, gumph, and operations that are responsible for the fact that I can’t run anymore. It’s still a daft thing to feel rubbish about, but, ocht, I can’t help it! 

Enough of all that – let’s get back to the point! I was out for a walk round Watson House about 3 years ago and it was a lovely sunny morning but , as I said, I wasn’t feeling lovely and sunny. I’d just bought an ipod and didn’t have a clue how to load it up yet, so Gemma had piled on a selection of her own music to get me started. About 5 minutes into the walk, this song came on and it just completely lifted me up by the scruff of the neck, gave me a good shake, told me to get a grip of my knickers and appreciate what a beautiful day it was and appreciate the fact that I could go out for a walk at all. I’d never heard the song before and stupidly I didn’t look at the screen to catch the name of it. The ipod was on shuffle and I didn’t have a clue how to retrieve tracks that had just played! All I could remember, when I was telling the kids that night that I’d heard this amazing song that had made me feel so great, was that it was something about throwing open the curtains in the morning and shouting “Hullo world! It’s great to be alive!” The kids instantly knew which song I was talking about and sorted it out so that it was highlighted as a ‘favourite’ on my playlist.  

Three years later it’s still there on that list. So, to get the opportunity to sing Annie and Jane’s arrangement of the song last night was just brilliant! It was definitely a night to add to my long list of ‘favourite choir rehearsals’. The wee video below is our first attempt after a very short time of learning the harmonies – hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed standing next to my choir buddies and singing it! Yup, one day like this a year would see me right.....

 

Having another driver in the house and thinking about Dad

Gordon passed his driving test today. Hooray! I’ve been through this twice already with Gemma and Ross, but that hasn’t stopped me from wandering around the house tonight like a demented, em, parent while Gordon’s away out driving on his own for the very first time.  

I’ll never forget the day I passed my test (many moons ago!). As soon as I came home, my Dad handed me the keys to his beloved Cortina and with a big proud smile on his face said “Away you go!” I drove off, chuffed to bits, to my best pal Caroline’s house for a celebration coffee and chat. Then I drove home. With the handbrake on. All the way. (Cars were obviously built differently in those days..!) I couldn’t figure out what the burning smell was when I got out the car. It was a measure of the man my Dad was that he just smiled, explained that I’d probably burned out the brake, then told me not to worry about it. He told me that cars can be fixed, and the fact that I’d come home safe and sound was the most important thing. Years later he told me that he was screaming inside; “Noooo! My Cortina!!” But, it was more important to him that I didn’t lose my confidence straight after I’d passed my test, and that’s why he kept his cool.

 

Even after nearly 19 years, I still miss my Dad so very much and I absolutely hate the fact that he’s not here to share in these special moments in his grandchildren’s - or his daughter's - lives.

It’s hard to describe how I’m feeling as I go between pacing around the house and sitting at the computer writing this. I feel very proud that Gordon passed his test. I feel angry because the examiner was an eejit and took the shine off Gordon’s success. I feel a debt of gratitude to Stuart Dormer; driving instructor extraordinaire!  I feel anxious because Gordon’s now at the mercy of our dangerous roads. I feel glad that he’ll now have more freedom and not have to rely on his auld maw and paw, or his big brother and sister, or the limited local bus service to get him from A to B. I feel a wee bit sad that another milestone’s been reached and another of the apron strings has been well and truly severed. I feel proud of the fact that I sat in the passenger seat beside all three of my kids for many hours while they were learners and never lost my cool! And, although I feel sad that my Dad’s not here to share in this moment, I feel extremely lucky to have learned so much from him about the importance of keeping my own anxieties or worries in check so that my kids can feel more confident. Alex's really good at that too, which helps when I sometimes slip. 

Anyway, I’ve rambled on enough. Time to go look out the window again, is Gordon home yet.....?!

Having too much to blog about

There are so many things that’ve made me feel good since my last post: enjoying a fabulous family weekend down in London (even though we were soaking up the Olympic atmosphere from outside the venues); managing to overcome my nerves to present an overview of my Strathcarron music project at a local Rotary Club dinner;  spending a special day with Alex through in Glasgow to celebrate the 25^th anniversary of oor wee business; receiving a touching message, an awesome poem and some fabulous gifts from the kids that made celebrating Impressions in Stone’s special birthday all the more special; finishing off a lovely weekend with Sunday lunch and a blether with my mum; and being back singing again with all my awesome Heart of Scotland friends after the choir’s summer break. 

So many things packed in to a really great week. And too many things to write about in any kind of detail in one blog post. So, I won’t even try; I’ll leave the memories in my head and publish a few wee photos instead:

Special gifts

The old and new from our nostalgic trip down the Clyde

Glasgow's Olympic Rings (and a good prop after lots of bubbly pop...)

Ringside seats for the 2012 Olympic marathon

More lovely celebration goodies. Ross had written in the card, "Well, if it goes arse up from this point, at least you can say you got this far...!" Can't help wondering where he gets his way with words from..?!

One of my favourite moments of London 2012; watching Mo win the 5k while sitting in a park a few miles away from the stadium surrounded by hundreds of cheering supporters and my wee crew...

...and here's my wee crew...

Gordon's a big movie buff, so it was nice of Heathrow Airport to provide Colin Farrell to 'meet and greet'.....

Me being a tourist waiting for Mo...

Anticipating seeing Gemma

I usually write retrospective blog posts and blether about things that I’ve already done, or things that have already made me feel good. But today it’s a wee ‘looking ahead’ post as I’m all excited about our weekend trip down to the big smoke! London’s been very much in the news over this past fortnight and I can’t wait to get down there to soak up some of the Olympic atmosphere. We don’t have any tickets to see anything, which is a bit disappointing, but I know that we’ll have a great time all the same. We’ve loved watching it on the telly, with so many incredible sporting moments to savour, and are just looking forward to being there in amongst it all.

But being in London while the Olympics draws to a close is really just an added bonus to the main - and much more important - purpose of our trip; to spend some time with Gemma! She’s been working (and I mean working; starting at 7.30 every morning and not finishing till nigh on midnight most nights!) on her internship since the middle of June and I just can’t wait to see her. It’s only been 2 months and she’s not a million miles away, but I’ve been missing my wee girl and I’m so excited about seeing her, hugging her, catching up properly on all her news and getting to spend a whole weekend with my brood all around me. Bliss! 

A good friend of mine will - like me - be hugging and celebrating with one of her kids tonight. It’s her son’s 8^th birthday today. However - unlike me - Linda won’t have her whole brood round about her. It’s over two years since her other son, Gregor, died. I would never speak for her (because she’d slap me...) but I can say with confidence that not one single day, hour, or even moment passes that Linda doesn’t miss, and long for, Gregor. I know the depth of my feelings when I miss my kids, even though I’m safe in the knowledge that I’ll see them again sometime soon - it might be a few weeks, or a few months later, but I will see them again soon. I can’t even begin to contemplate how ‘missing Gregor’ feels for Linda. There is absolutely no comparison and I wouldn’t insult her by even trying. Like her other friends, I can only give her hugs (she’s one of thee best huggers I’ve ever met...) and appreciate her awesomeness as a mother, wife, daughter and pal. I hope she has a lovely night tonight with her husband and her adorable son. 

So, I’m off to finish off some work work, pack a bag, wait for Alex to come home, pick up the boys from their respective summer jobs and hit the trail that leads to Gemma - with a wee bit of Olympic buzz thrown in. Cannae wait!

Gordon being rewarded for giving it a go...

Well, that’s the last time I’ll share the nail-biting, stomach-churning few hours that go hand-in-hand with waiting for postie to arrive with an envelope containing a set of fifth-year Highers results! Hooray! Gordon hadn’t signed up for the SQA’s text or email service for result delivery: “It’s not the same getting a text, I want to open an envelope to see what I’ve got..” Our post is never with us before midday and it was a long wait till 1.30pm yesterday!! Thankfully, tension turned to elation within a few moments of the envelope being carefully (and painfully slowly) opened and, again, I had the privilege of being there to share in that ‘Woohoo!’ moment with one of my kids.  

Aw, I’m so proud of my big wee boy; he had the unenviable job of following on behind a big sister and a big brother who were both really high achievers at school and I just love that he’s never been fazed by that. Where Gemma and Ross were hoping for ‘A’'s, Gordon was hoping for ‘pass’es, and pass he did – in very good style! It’s always been really important to me and Alex that we instil a sense of ‘be your own person’ in our kids and we’ve always encouraged them to take opportunities and go for things - and not give up - even if that means sometimes having to swim against the tide. At the start of last year, Gordon was advised not to take Higher English as the school thought he might fail.  Now, I may be getting cynical in my old age, but I think this was down to that ridiculous thing of the schools wanting to make sure they produce enough ‘good’ results to place them high up in the performance tables. Grrrrrr!!  Gordon wasn’t bothered about achieving an ‘A’ grade, or even a ‘B’ – he just wanted to pass and get Higher English under his belt. He doesn’t have a clue what he wants to do when he leaves school and he just thought it might be useful to have English in his tool kit! So, he made an appointment to see the head of the English department and, at the ensuing meeting, explained that he would be grateful for the opportunity to give the Higher a go.  

Now, almost a year later, he has a piece of paper that confirms he’s passed – with a mixture of an 'A', 'B'’s and a 'C' – all five of his Highers. And, one of the ‘B’s was for English! Superb! 

Sometimes folk’ll tell you that you can’t, or shouldn’t, try something you really want to have a go at. Ocht, don’t listen. Go for it! I know it’s a bit of a cliché, but I really do think that it’s better to try to do something and fail, than to try to do nothing and succeed! And, as Gordon will testify, the trying’s all the sweeter when it results in a pass!

The 2012 Tour

I’ve only caught bits and pieces of the Olympics on the telly over the past few days as I’ve been too busy enjoying a much more important event on the Milne’s sporting calendar; The Tour of Fife 2012! OK, so it might sound a bit daft that a wee running event is more important than the Olympic Games but, ocht, it’s all relative! As I explained in a fairly lengthy blog post last year, the Tour is unique and this year we, once again, thoroughly enjoyed everything that it had to offer. There are actually many similarities between the Tour and the Olympics: it’s a gathering of fantastic athletes in an atmosphere of mutual respect; team spirit; friendly camaraderie; and gutsy determination to win a med... I mean, a mug. Yup, the Tour definitely has much of all the good stuff that the Olympics has to offer (with none of the nonsense that’s made me feel a bit let down by London 2012; ridiculously inflated ticket prices, a disgraceful number of empty seats, Gary Linekar’s hapless commentating skills, the commercialism, the politics etc etc...), albeit on a much smaller – but no less emotive – scale. Having said all of that, I've just watched the GB men's gymnastic team win a Bronze medal and was in tears! Gymnastics was very much my sport, as a youngster, and our coaches used to tell us that gymnasts from the UK would never reach the Olympics as the Brits simply couldn't compete with the likes of the Eastern Europeans. Just goes to show, you should never say never.....

Yup, definitely stick to running dear......

Anyway, back to the Tour! Just like last year, Alex and Ross competed and I clapped and cheered (it’s an important job you know!) Just like last year, the Tour consisted of 5 gruelling races on 5 consecutive days around the beautiful Fife countryside and coast line. Just like last year, the sun shone! Hooray! And, just like last year, Alex and I made the most of it and camped up in Gemma’s student digs in St Andrews, combining the Tour with a short break from work. Lovely! (And, just like last year, poor old Ross couldn’t get time off from his summer job and had to drive up and down for most of the Tour. He did, however, manage to stay up over the final couple of days over the weekend.) 


Ross running up Hell...

The weather was perfect for all five of the Tour races. Well, maybe not perfect for the Up Hell Time Trial as the wind pushing against them made the final stretch up the hill extremely tough for the runners. Brian, the Tour organiser, scooshing them with a super soaker while dressed as a devil (after completing the run himself..) added to their misery – but both the wind and the devil were gloriously defeated to see every one of the starters complete the race. (From a lowly spectator’s perspective; it was absolutely baltic up there! What an eejit I was to wear my flip-flops. Don’t think my wee toes have ever been so cold...but, it was all worth it to be one of the many supporters cheering the runners on as they battled against the gradient and the wind to complete the Blue Riband event of the Tour!) 

The chat and banter between the runners and the supporters – not only at each race, but also on various blogs – was brilliant. Aw man, I laughed out loud when I read this wee snippet – written by one of the runners - after the first event: “The warm evening had me sweating buckets and when an older looking guy (my age group?) from Central edged by, I couldn't keep up with him..” The blog’s writer was last year’s M45 age group winner, Peter Buchanan from Portobello Running Club and that “older looking guy” he referred to was Alex - who was indeed in the same age group! Now, Alex has always looked older than his age (ever since he was the first in our year at school to start shaving...), but I think in recent years everyone else has caught up! Alex has looked over 40 since he was about 25, but I happen to think my old man’s wearing pretty well! Anyway, it gave rise to a great deal of ribbing from me and Ross and some good competition between Alex and Peter as the Tour progressed.

Portobello Pete being chased by my old man....

Alex managed to hold Peter off to win the sprightly young age category of V45! (And I do mean sprightly young age; there were runners taking part in age categories right up to V70. I salute them all!) Ross isn’t as fit as he was during the Tour last year, but he still enjoyed the event. It was the founder of the modern Olympic movement that said: “it’s not the winning, it’s the taking part that counts...The important thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well.” Wise words, but not always ones that young athletes want to hear or understand. I’m delighted that my kids have inherited their Dad’s attitude to his sport: don’t make up silly excuses if you don’t do well (the old, “I was wearing the wrong shoes” doesn’t go down well in our house..); don’t give up on something you enjoy doing just because you’re not the best at it; just because you’re not the best doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try your best – then, who knows, one day you just might be the best...; treat your fellow competitors the way you’d like to be treated yourself; be a good representative of your club and wear your club colours with pride (even if your vest’s a bit washed out and looks like an old yellow duster...); and, the one learned from his old coach - the legend that was Shettletston Harrier’s Alex Naylor - and the one that’s not so easy to stick to, ‘run fast, get to the front and don’t let anyone pass you’...Yup, simple really... Anyway, it was great, as ever, to see Alex and Ross competing together alongside members of many other great Scottish athletics clubs. All (well, most of them anyway) wearing their club vests with pride, but supporting and encouraging their rivals regardless of club, age, gender or how far ahead or behind they were in the Tour rankings! 

The organising club, Fife AC, put so much effort in to making this such a great event (with the best post-race spread of cakes I think I’ve ever seen!) and I’m already looking forward to cheering on Alex, Ross and all the other Tourists next July. I can't run anymore, but I still love being part of the running fraternity. And the Tour of Fife is a perfect example of why that's so.

(p.s. Many thanks to Fife AC for some fantastic photos - and reminding me of the quote by de Coubertin!)