writing this...

I’ve had a funny past wee while, as far as my blog's concerned. I could easily have found something that made me feel good in every day - even the shittiest of days - but for some reason it felt like a bit of an onerous task to sit down, think about what was making me feel good then write a post. Regular readers might have got a sense of that from some of my comments over these past few months. And the lengthy delay between posts probably speaks for itself!

It would be easy for me to blame the lack of motivation to update my blog on being busy. Maybe I’ve just not had the time? I have been really busy; still volunteering at Strathcarron, still trying desperately to keep on top of work work, still doing coursework, still being a member of the choir (though not managing along as much of late), still being there for my family and still keeping up with the dirgy stuff like the housework etc (...only just...!). But, having said that, I’ve been really busy with one thing or another ever since I started writing the blog - whether it was volunteering, work work, some course or another, choir rehearsals and gigs, family things or all the other stuff – and I can’t really remember a time during this past two years when I’ve not been busy. So, I can’t blame my lack of motivation for writing here on not having the time. No matter how busy I was, I used to regularly make the time to write my wee blog.

It might be that I’ve become more disciplined in writing my personal journal. Keeping an up-to-date journal is, for me, a pretty essential part of the Post-grad diploma. I was hopeless at doing it during the skills course last year (maybe because I spent too much time writing blog posts instead?!) so this time I’m determined not to let my journal slip. I’ve got a really rubbish memory, so the more I jot down at the end of the day the better! Hm, maybe my blog-time has now become journal-time? But, writing a personal journal doesn’t give me anything like the same kind of pleasure that writing a post for my wee blog gives me. So, surely I’d still make the time to write my blog more regularly if that was it?

Maybe it’s because I’ve felt quite sad on quite a few more occasions than usual over this past wee while. I keep losing people, and things, and special people from things, and things that involved working with special people. Ocht, that probably doesn’t make much sense; it’s just that I’m wondering if feeling a bit sad recently has played a part in my lack of motivation to write here. But, there's definitely been plenty of good stuff mixed in with the sad - and there’ve been plenty of other occasions over the course of this past 2 years when I’ve felt sad about something but still felt keen to write a post for my wee blog. Nope, I don’t think that’s it.

Hm, maybe my wee blog is reaching its sell-by date this time. Maybe it’s run its course. Maybe there isn’t any one particular reason why I haven’t felt like writing a post. Maybe I’m over-thinking it! When I’ve toyed with shutting up my blog shop in the past, good friends and loyal distant followers have been kind enough to say that they’d miss it if it was gone. Is that it? Do I need some kind of positive feedback every now and again to help motivate me to continue? Ocht, I’m disappointed with myself for even considering that to be the reason. I'm not looking for sympathy, empathy, or for my blog posts to be praiseworthy, creditworthy or any other kind of -thy! I’ve said right from the beginning that the purpose of the blog was simply to encourage me to write, without getting hung up on the technicalities, about things that made me feel good. It wasn’t to create a popular piece of prose! I’m touched that I touch some people in some way or another with some of the things I write - but that should never be the sole reason for me keeping on with my blog. It should always be something I do to make me feel good. Writing this, right now, is making me feel good. Making readers feel good too is a glorious added bonus.

I think I might just have answered my question. 

Ocht, it's so simple. There doesn’t need to be a time-limit between posts, and I shouldn’t get so hung up on reasons why I haven’t felt like writing a post. It doesn't matter! Sometimes I'll have the time or motivation to write here, sometimes I won't. Jeeso, I don't know why I was making such a big deal of it!

There we go; I’m definitely not ready to say goodbye to my wee blog and lose yet another thing that makes me feel good! Decision made: this wee blog’s here to stay for another wee while yet. 

And, dear reader, if you've managed to stick it out till the end of this post - well done! I'm going to leave you with a song. It's really in tribute to one of my best choir buddies (you know who you are and I'm going to miss you SO much!), but it also just seemed like a nice wee song to finish off my ramblings tonight. See you ..... sometime soon!