the hospice staff singing my song

I’ve had a lovely past few days and I’m starting to feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

It started with Ross and Gemma arriving back from Uni for the holidays. Hooray! Gemma’s had a pretty mad time of it recently what with one thing and another and it’s great to have her home for a well-earned break after traipsing up and down to London for rounds of graduate placement job interviews followed by a difficult bunch of final year exams. Ross has his exams to come after the holidays, so he’s hoping to fit in a bit of studying amongst the festive frolicking...hm, well, that’s the plan anyway....!

And then there was Gordon’s school concert at The Church of the Holy Rude. What a great night! So many talented singers and musicians in such a beautiful setting. I’m obviously slightly biased but the Vocal Group’s performance was definitely one of the highlights of the concert! Here’s a wee clip of Gordo and friends doing their thing (the video-ing is rubbish, but it's more enjoyable with your eyes closed anyway!):

Sticking to the music theme, I had a really special and lovely time at the hospice's Day Care Christmas Party. I actually didn’t think I was going to manage along but I’m so very glad that I did. I’ve had to make some difficult decisions during this past wee while in connection with the music side of things at Strathcarron and have had to take a bit of a step back from being so involved with bringing basic music therapy to the hospice. I absolutely love working with the patients and their families and the staff and the musicians and the singers and the school groups and everyone else! And, I would love to carry on at the same level that I’ve been used to over this past 9 months or so. However, for various reasons, that's just not possible at the moment and I really do miss the work. Even more so, I really miss the people associated with the work.

Anyway, back to feeling all warm and fuzzy inside! A while ago I wrote a wee ditty to be sung at the Day Care Christmas Party. The party’s a really special occasion as it’s the only time of the year that all the regular day care patients and volunteers from each day get to spend time together. It means that the hospice is even busier, livelier and louder than usual with everyone all mingling in together to create a really special atmosphere. So, I thought it would be great to have as many staff representatives from as many of the different hospice departments as possible coming together to sing for the patients. With that in mind, I adapted The Twelve Days of Christmas and started to recruit members of staff to join in, allocating one of the days of Christmas to each department. So, the physio department was given the line ‘two legs to stretch’ and the medics were given ‘three chests to sound’ and the fundraising department was given ‘six cans to count’ and the auxiliaries were given ‘nine pans to empty’... I'm sure you're getting the gist of it! I’d really just started the process of recruiting the staff Christmas Party Choir when I had to reduce my time spent at the hospice, but I was delighted when one of the nurses took up the mantle and saw the project through to completion! This is how it turned out on the day (apologies for my rubbish video-ing skills again!):




Aw, I was so chuffed to see my wee idea come to life and - much more importantly - hear the patients laugh out loud, sing along and show their heart-felt appreciation to the staff with loud applause and cheers at the end. It was yet another favourite moment from Strathcarron to add to the list! 

You know, I'm keenly aware that this is the most difficult time of the year for many people. The cheery Christmas portrayed by adverts on the telly showing a stereotypical happy family with its stressed-but-always-happy-on-the-day mum, laid back jovial dad, two perfect children, doting grannies and wagging dogs couldn't, in reality, be further from the truth for many folk. Many folk, including some of my relatives and friends, will struggle to have a very merry Christmas. It might be because they're desperately missing someone or because they're desperately worried about someone, or because they're desperately ill or because they're just feeling generally desperate. There are a whole host of reasons why people dread Christmas. 

All of these bits and pieces over the past few days, along with some other bits and bobs, have got my festive season off to a lovely start and I'm so very lucky to be looking forward to a Christmas full of good cheer with my family around me. Yup, so much to feel good about, and so important never to take any of it for granted.

music here and there...

It’s been ages since I last wrote about anything on my wee blog. I was going to do a ‘this’s been happening and that’s been happening’ kind of spiel, but too much’s been happening for that! So, I’ll just go back to basics and tell you one of the things that made me feel good today.

I’ve been a bit down in the dumps over these past few days and a bit weepy. Ocht, it’s just not like me and I’ve been trying so hard to shake it off! There’s a reason for me feeling a bit upset, but it’s not something I feel comfortable about sharing, so I'll just keep that part of the story to myself. I’ve not been a total misery guts and, as ever, I’ve been finding plenty of things in my days to make me feel good: spending time with Gemma while she was home over the weekend; learning interesting stuff at Uni yesterday and getting the go-ahead to start my placement work with clients (woohoo!); demolishing a bottle of wine on Monday night and enjoying lots of boozy chit-chat with Alex (I’d been looking forward to a good ‘get-it-out-your-system-sing-song’ but choir practice was cancelled and I was left with no option but to hit the bottle instead...!); enjoying a nice lunch with a good friend; watching Gordon perform on stage with a fantastic vocal group made up of pupils from our local schools; and finding out that I’m not the only middle aged wifey who suffers from a freezing cold nose......

OK, so that last one sounds a bit weird – let me just quickly explain! My nose gets really cold, and I mean really cold. Poor Alex’s had to put up with me going on about it, and getting him to feel how cold my nose is, day in, day out, “Feel it! It’s absolutely freezing, isn’t it?!” Even when the rest of my body is nice and toasty, my nose can be sooo cold. And it gets sore too; it’s so cold sometimes it’s actually quite painful. Stop laughing – it’s not funny! Gemma thought it was funny too, but she humoured me by typing ‘freezing cold nose’ into Google and, low and behold, came across one of these forum thingies with a thread full of posts from women all over the world bemoaning the fact that their nose was always freezing. Even better, they’re all in their 40’s or 50’s and they’re all either menopausal or, like me, have had a hysterectomy in recent years! There’s a whole community out there of wifeys with freezing cold noses! It’s a syndrome waiting to be discovered! I didn’t go so far as joining the forum; these women were taking it all a bit too serious for my liking (“it almost broke up my marriage, my husband just doesn’t understand how debilitating it is...”) but I did take some comfort from the fact that I wasn’t imagining the fact that my nose was sometimes unnaturally cold!

Anyway, as I was saying, I’ve been feeling a bit rubbishy over the past few days but it’s definitely not all been bad and today was no different. After spending the morning catching up on work work, Alex and I headed off to the funeral of someone who’s been a close friend of Alex’s family for many years. Jessie was 92 when she died and had only become more dependent on others during the past couple of years. It was a ‘nice’ funeral, and we came away with a real sense of Jessie having had a lovely, and fitting, send off. Much of that was down to the minister who conducted the service. She was quite theatrical and had a beautiful, operatic singing voice - which thankfully drowned out the drones of those of us who aren’t at all religious and only know the most popular hymns in the book! She clearly knew Jessie well and had visited her many times in the nursing home – but she didn’t just go for a blether; she used to take her guitar in during her visits so that she could sing and play for all the residents. How lovely! I’ll bet the old ladies and gents got so much out of that; I’ve witnessed, on so many occasions, the uplifting effects of taking live music into the hospice and I don’t imagine it to be all that different in a Nursing Home!

It was so fitting that my friend Paul sent me a message tonight to tell me that he'd had another successful visit to Strathcarron earlier on today. I usually try to be at the hospice when folk come in to perform for - or play along with - the patients, but I was otherwise engaged at Jessie’s funeral when Paul visited today. However, I just love the fact that all the while that I was sitting listening to the minister telling us about the difference she’d made to elderly people’s lives by singing and playing guitar for them in their Nursing Home, one of my lovely Myriad of Music volunteers was actually making a difference to the lives of people who have life-limiting illness by singing and playing guitar for them in the hospice! 

And that was just the ticket to make me feel really good today!

Taking the good with the sad

I’m finding it frustrating that I don’t have as much time to write as I used to, and I’m wondering if now would maybe be a good time to take a break from writing my blog altogether. That thought doesn’t make me feel good, because I enjoy writing my wee blog posts, but I feel annoyed with myself when too much time passes between posts. This past week’s a good example. There’s been so much to write about that would’ve been perfect for a ‘What’s making me feel good today’ spiel, but I’ve not had the time to jot any of it down.

Tracey and Dave’s wedding last Saturday is a case in point. Aw, it was such a glorious day, from start to finish, and I would’ve loved to have written about it. The weather couldn’t have been better – the sun was splitting the heavens – and the conservatory of the Stirling Management Centre (where the wedding was held) was bathed in sunshine. Tracey was absolutely stunning – as was the whole wedding party, but with none being a patch on our beautiful bride – and she smiled from the moment she walked down the aisle with her very proud Dad till the moment I last saw her that day; sitting in the bar with her husband in the wee small hours (the last to leave the party!). The ceremony was just lovely and I managed to read my poem without stumbling on any of the words! Hooray! It seemed to go down well; Tracey and Dave loved it and that’s really all that mattered. Drinks and canapés out in the sunshine, followed by a few more drinks in the bar, preceded the speeches and meal. Aw man, the speeches were so emotional. Tracey’s Dad, Brian, was really nervous but that didn’t detract at all from how very proud he was of his gorgeous wee Princess (who’s now in her thirties but will always be his gorgeous wee Princess!) and how very happy he was about welcoming such a great son-in-law to his family. Dave’s speech was awesome. His emotions were almost tangible; I felt like I could reach out and touch the love that was spilling out of him as he spoke. It was so, so lovely and a real privilege to be there; it’s not often you witness folk being so honest and real about how they feel – especially when it meant that the Best Man won the ‘will he/won’t he cry’ bet hands down! The Best Man (Darryl)’s, speech was great too and the overriding theme from everyone who spoke on the day was just how ‘right’ Tracey and Dave are for each other.  They’re actually just meant to be...   Dancing, more food and drink, good fun with good friends and lots of laughs followed before we finally hit the sack in the wee small hours. Ocht, it was just very special and it left me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside!

So, that’s one thing that I wanted to write about but couldn’t find the time. One of the other things was a visit from one of my choir friends to the hospice. Mair, who plays the flute beautifully, came along to Day Care and totally wowed the patients and staff. I’m absolutely kicking myself that I didn’t video any of it; you’ll just have to take my word for it that she was awesome. Not only did the patients enjoy listening to Mair play flute, they also thoroughly enjoyed listening to her sing. One of my other good friends from choir, Cara, is working on a student placement at Strathcarron at the moment so we got together with Mair and sang a few songs. Aw man, we had such good fun – and I think the patients and staff enjoyed it too! I’m still loving working at the hospice and trying to keep the music initiative going as much as I can. There are only so many hours I can commit to as a volunteer though, so I really need to work harder at getting more volunteers on board. Problem is, I enjoy doing it so much and don’t really want to give too much of it up! I can think of worse problems to have!

The other thing I didn’t find time to write about was a trip to the theatre with Alex and Gordon. I’ve written before about how proud we were of Gordon for doing so well in his exams and this wee trip was his ‘Well Done’ pressie. You’re maybe thinking we’re a bit weird; most kids get money these days when they do well, but I prefer to give a ‘thing’ that the kids will remember as a symbol of how proud we are. Whether it’s a book, a trip, a meal out, or whatever; it’s something that they’ve either chosen or that we know is something special that they’ll enjoy. Gordon loves going to the cinema and the theatre, so he chose to go see Phantom of the Opera at the Playhouse in Edinburgh. The three of us had a great night out, Gordon absolutely loved the show, and I just love that we share a passion for the musicals. Phantom’s one of Alex’s favourites too, so it was a big thumbs up all round!

Of course, as with most weeks, I had to take the bad or sad along with the good, but this week had a particularly sad edge to it as a special relative of mine died. I don’t want to write anything much about it now, but I think it’s important to highlight the fact that just because I write posts on a blog called ‘What’s Making Me Feel Good Today..?’ it doesn’t mean that things don’t happen that make me feel bad or sad. It wouldn’t be real life if that was the case, would it?

Well, there we go, after saying that I didn’t have the time to write about stuff that’s happened this week, I’ve written about stuff that’s happened this week! This was supposed to be a thinking-out-loud-helping-me-to-decide-if-I-should-stop-writing-my-blog kind of post. Ocht, maybe I’ll just leave all that for another day, a day when I’ve got a wee bit more time on my hands....

In the meantime, here’s a wee video of the poem I wrote and read out during the Wedding ceremony. I recorded this for Tracey and Dave before the wedding, so that we had the opportunity to change any part of it they didn’t like. Fortunately, they were delighted with it as it was. As you’ll hear, it’s definitely not Shakespeare, and it’s more of a wee ditty than a poem, but – just like all the other speeches that day – it hopefully sums up our lovely Bride and Groom. It’s called ‘Just Meant To Be’:

Simply Strathcarron

I was a wee bit overwhelmed at the hospice this afternoon. Actually, I was a big bit overwhelmed at the hospice this afternoon. The last day of my funded placement was a couple of weeks ago, but today was my proper ‘Right, that’s me done now’ day. Except, I’m not really done as I’m continuing as a volunteer and am on the hunt for more funding – but, it was the day that I gave the last of the overview presentations to staff, so it was, sort of, like my proper last day.

I arrived at Strathcarron with a heavy heart as I’d recently been told that one of the hospice’s very special patients had died. Every patient at Strathcarron is special – that’s one of the things I love about the place – but it can be particularly difficult for hospice staff when the patient who’s died is someone who was well known and well loved long before they ever became a patient. For that reason, I had very mixed feelings about standing up in front of the staff to talk animatedly about how successful my little music project had been. Part of me just felt it somehow wasn’t appropriate to do that today but, after giving it some thought - and after considering how much this particular patient had benefitted from music during their stay in the hospice, and how much their family had encouraged and supported me (through their positive comments and willingness to appear on my feedback video), and how much this patient had wanted other patients to benefit in the same way as they had (by buying their own MP3 player so that they weren’t ‘depriving’ some other patient), and how many times during our wee chats that this particular patient’s sense of humour and sense of humility had bowled me over – I came to the tentative conclusion that me talking today about something that they’d gained some pleasure from during their illness was something that they would hopefully have approved of. 

So, talk I did. And I’m glad I did. The staff couldn’t have been more effusive in their support and in their agreement that basic music therapy should continue to have a place in the care package offered at Strathcarron. It was, understandably, a much more emotional affair than the last overview presentation, but I still think it was the right decision to go ahead with it. 

To top it all, my lovely boss Kirsty stood up at the end and said some really nice things. Then, the rest of the Patient and Family Support Team – my colleagues for the past 4 months – stood up and presented me with a bunch of really special gifts.  The very best pressies are always the ones that have been bought, or made, with a very personal touch and each of these gifts had the personal touch by the bucket load: a beautiful bunch of bright flowers; a personalised mug with ‘Strathcarron Myriad of Music Thank You Jane’ inscribed on it, an absolutely delicious cake (baked by the lovely Jenny) with ‘Thank You for the Music’ iced on top; and a CD. But not just any old CD; a ‘mixed tape’ CD made up of tracks chosen for me by every department in the hospice. There I go again, welling up every time I think about it all. Aw man, I had the CD belting out all the home way home in the car – I love it. It includes tracks such as ‘ Shine’ chosen by the Domestic Team; ‘Sunshine Girl’ chosen by the OT; ‘I’ve Got the Music in Me’ by Cara, one of my team members; ‘Thank You For The Music’ by the Management Team and ‘Sing’ – my favourite and even more special as it was chosen by Kirsty, my amazing manager. That’s me off again..... I felt sad at times today, but what made me feel great was being reminded of the simple thing that's made working alongside such a lovely, lovely bunch of people for the past 4 months so special. They care – all of them – on a very personal level. And what better gift is there to give...?

Focussing on not feeling sad

It makes me feel sad when I say out loud that I only have four more days of my placement left at Strathcarron so, instead of saying that, I’ll focus on some of the great things that have been going on over the course of this past week or so!

Following a previous successful visit from pupils from Wallace High School, the music teacher was more than happy to bring another small group of pupils along to the hospice. This time, they were given a tour of the Strathcarron by one of the lovely Day Care nurses and it was truly heart-warming to hear the kids chatter animatedly on their return about how ‘cool’ the hospice was! Just as their peers had done a few weeks ago, these talented young musicians and singers then went on to entertain and wow the patients – not only with their musical prowess, but also with their impeccable behaviour, beaming smiles and amiable banter! I have a few snippets of them on video, but I'm waiting on permission from a patient - who has a starring role - before I post it; watch this space!!

It’s understandable when school pupils are a little nervous about coming along to the hospice; unless they’ve had some previous experience of visiting Strathcarron, they just don’t know what to expect. Even with good preparation beforehand, until they’ve actually been in to see the hospice for themselves, and met the staff and patients, they’re likely to feel a little bit apprehensive. However, coming along with a group of pals from school somehow makes the task in hand a little less daunting!

So, it would have been totally understandable if 14 year old Laura Carson had been a tad nervous about coming along - on her own - to play guitar and sing for the patients. Unlike the other youngsters who’ve performed on their own during my placement, Laura had no previous experience of Strathcarron until she visited last Thursday. She doesn’t have a relative who works in Strathcarron and none of her relatives have been patients in the hospice. However, after hearing all about the music project from her mum (who’s a friend of mine from the Heart of Scotland Choir) Laura asked if she could come along and do something to help. I was so impressed by this lovely young lady’s attitude and her fantastic performance for a very appreciative group of Thursday Day Care patients:



Speaking of lovely young ladies, I’ve also enjoyed seeing my own daughter, Gemma, volunteering at Strathcarron recently. She only managed to fit in a few shifts between the end of term at University and the start of her summer internship, but I’m proud that she’s helped keep up our family tradition of helping out at the hospice! (My mum’s been a volunteer on the ward reception for around 13 years and my uncle volunteers as a Bereavement Support worker.)

Another thing that I’ve enjoyed doing over these past few weeks is spending some more of the money that I’ve raised to buy equipment for the hospice. The list so far includes: 19 Sony Walkman MP3 players; lots of wires, plugs, chargers and other mundane – but essential – accessories; storage containers; 16 sets of speakers; a docking station and speaker set (for Day Care); a projector with a built-in DVD player; a portable projector screen; a laptop/projector trolley and shelf; a fund for music downloads and 3 Toshiba laptop computers. There were various other things that I’d hoped to donate to the hospice, and it’s been one of my placement disappointments that they didn’t happen. One of the ideas that just didn’t work out, for various reasons, was a camera system for broadcasting and recording performances, and for ‘bringing the wildlife in’ to the hospice. Unfortunately, a package of enthusiasm, passion and funding isn’t always enough to take some proposals forward in an organisation like the hospice; there are many other things, such as practicalities and other complex issues, which have to be taken into account. I am, however, delighted with everything that has been bought for the hospice , thanks to the many, many people who made a donation to my fundraising efforts; either by buying a quiz sheet, or by coming along to my ‘Music from the Heart for Strathcarron’ night or by making a general donation to my Just Giving page. My heart-felt thanks goes to you all.

I’ve not spent as much time with patients as I’d have liked over this past wee while as I’ve been busy putting plans in place to make sure that music remains a regular part of the day-to-day scene at Strathcarron. I’m delighted to have found a young lad who’s offered to help out on a regular basis and I’m meeting soon with another young volunteer whom I’m hoping will take on some of the work too. Some of the ward reception volunteers will soon also be helping out; I’m hoping that keeping basic music therapy going at the hospice can become an integral part of these volunteers' normal duties, when time allows.

I've also been spending a wee bit of time preparing for a presentation I've to deliver next week. This placement has been such an incredible experience for me, and I'm chuffed - and passionate - about everything I've done. However, I'm also extremely nervous about standing up and presenting an overview of my project to staff members, but that's exactly what I'll be doing in the hospice next Tuesday. I'm trying to think about it logically; if I managed to overcome my nerves to stand up and sing my first wee solo part with the Heart of Scotland Choir in the middle of my fundraising night, then surely I can stand up and deliver a short presentation to a bunch of lovely staff members - many of whom have become my friends over this past four months?! Surely!

Though, as the following hand-wringing clip shows, I really was extremely nervous when I sang my first solo - the opening verse of 'Wild Horses' - with the choir at 'Music from the Heart for Strathcarron'. And I only had to sing on my own for about one minute...help! I think there'll be much hand-wringing going on next Tuesday.....

Breakthroughs and being blown away by Lauren

It’s such a privilege to see so many of the patients reaping the benefits of the whole ‘personal playlist’ thing at the hospice. This past week has been particularly rewarding as I’ve been working with two patients, who have varying degrees of cognitive difficulties, with some really positive results. It's incredible to witness even the slightest breakthrough with a patient who's finding it difficult to communicate. I think it’s worth mentioning here, again, that I’m not a trained or professional music therapist. I’m simply using my basic listening skills along with an understanding of how therapeutic music - even at its most basic level (such as listening to a favourite song) - can be. It’s definitely the aspect of the project that I’ve enjoyed the most; spending time with patients then using music to make a difference to their day.  

It’s an added bonus when that music is sung or played live. A few weeks ago I invited Lauren McKinnon along to sing for the patients. Lauren - whose mum, April, is a Complementary Therapist at the hospice - is 15 years old and would normally be at school on a Tuesday afternoon. However, thanks to the Diamond Jubilee holiday, she spent her afternoon blowing us all away at the hospice with her incredible voice instead! Lauren came along first to sing for the patients in Day Care, then was happy to hang around till later to sing on the ward. As you'll see, my videoing skills haven’t improved much while I’ve been on my placement, but here’s a wee snippet of Lauren doing her thing anyway. I cannot get away with the fact that this voice is coming from a fifteen year old, and a lovely one at that!:



In the ward, Lauren stood in one of the open spaces so that her voice could be heard through all of the rooms. During her repertoire, I walked round the beds to make sure that everyone could hear OK. The patients were all so appreciative and were thoroughly enjoying every moment of this talented young lady’s performance. One person in particular, one of the patients I mentioned earlier who has cognitive difficulties and who has truly been reaping the benefits of using the MP3 player, motioned for me to sit with her while Lauren sang. I knelt down beside her, laid down the video camera and took hold of her hand. I didn’t realise until later that the video camera was still recording. I’m afraid you can’t see Lauren in the clip but I felt it was worth sharing with you; the song reduced both me and my lovely patient to tears! It’s simply beautiful. So, close your eyes and enjoy - just as many people did at Strathcarron last Tuesday - this awesome performance by Lauren:

Looking ahead with a special tune

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the end of my placement at the hospice. One month to go. Booo! So, as well as continuing with – and building on – everything that I’ve put into place over this past three months, I’ll be using some of my remaining time to ensure that patients continue to benefit from music in Strathcarron long after my Vodafone Foundation placement ends.

I’m meeting with a volunteer soon who’s interested in taking over the ‘bringing live music’ into the hospice side of things, and I’m hoping we can work together over the coming weeks, before she takes over the role completely. I’m not looking forward to handing over ‘my baby’, but that was always part of the plan and I’m sure the volunteer will be just as enthusiastic and excited about using local musicians and singers to make a difference as I am!

I definitely intend carrying on with some of the project work myself – but I definitely can’t afford to keep putting in anything like the hours per week that I’ve been dedicating over this past few months! Just like most of the World of Difference placement winners, I’ve worked way more than the 15 hours per week expected of me. So, I’m trying to figure out exactly how many hours I can afford to continue to give as a volunteer, and how much additional help will be required.

I’ve been touched by some of the comments made by staff recently during discussions about the fact that my placement sponsorship is coming to an end. Not only were they complimentary about the work I’ve been doing and the difference it’s made to patients and their families – but also about the difference it’s made to their working day. It’s been suggested that I should think about seeking out the necessary funding to allow me to carry on doing what I’ve been doing for a while longer, as opposed to setting the role up for a few volunteers. “It’s not just the music and the performances and the MP3 players that are making a difference, it’s you. Your personality and enthusiasm’s what we want to hold on to!” I was deeply touched by this comment made by one of the nurses and I felt, as I often do at Strathcarron, truly valued. There’s nothing I would love more than to keep on doing what I’m doing and I’m seriously considering seeking out some other source of funding for it (only if the hospice management support the idea of course!)

In the meantime, I’ll continue to feel incredibly lucky to be part of the Strathcarron team, and I’ll keep on treasuring the moments that I spend with some very special people. One of those special people sadly died earlier this week, but he’d managed to hold on long enough to hear a very special piece of music that was written by his grandson and played especially for him on the radio last weekend. I’ll never forget the twinkle in his eyes as he talked about it during our last conversation together.

And, if you click on ‘A very special tune’ below, you’ll hear a recording of that piece of music that meant such a lot to one very proud grandfather…

A very special tune

Raising confidence, a fair few smiles and some much-needed cash

I’ve been itching to write a blog post every night for this past week, but just haven’t had the time. And now that I’ve found the time, there’s too much to include in one post! So, I’m not even going to attempt to cram it all in. Here are just a couple of highlights:

Last Wednesday one of my friends from choir, Paul McKeever, came into the hospice to play guitar with a patient. This particular patient’s been both an in-patient and Day Care attendee for several years. He’s found, in recent years, that learning how to play the guitar helps to take his mind off other things but he’s really lacking in confidence. So, I figured he’d enjoy having someone with a bit of patience, a big friendly smile and a mutual love of guitar-playing to come in to the hospice and ‘jam’ with him – and Paul was absolutely perfect for the job! The staff said to me later that they’d never seen the patient so ‘energised’ and animated. A little bit of music and a big heart goes a long way. Thank you Paul!

<><>

Paul making a patient's day

Last Friday, at last, was the night of the Strathcarron fundraising event I’ve been organising and I’m delighted to report that 'Music from the Heart for Strathcarron' was a resounding success! The evening was all about raising awareness, raising cash, raising a smile and raising the roof! 

Raising Awareness:  This is the wee video that I used to kick off the evening. Annie, my incredibly talented Choir leader, sat under the projector screen and played piano while the video rolled above her. She was simply awesome, and a fair few tears were shed through the smiles in the hall:

Raising Cash: I’d hoped to raise around £2000 for the hospice, but I’d been a bit wary about setting myself a target; just in case I was disappointed! However, I needn’t have worried as the final total came to over £3000! I was absolutely delighted, and I’m extremely grateful to everyone who contributed; either by giving up their free time to perform, or by buying a raffle ticket, or by coming along on the night, or by taking part in the tombola, or by giving me moral support and encouragement or...ocht, there are too many things to mention (let alone thanking all the individual people who helped out!) I just feel very lucky and very privileged to have had the overwhelming support that I had.

Raising a Smile: 130 people bought tickets and came along to The Golden Lion Hotel, so the hall was practically full. I was so moved by some of their lovely, warm comments and I was delighted that they all seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves. I saw loads of smiles on Friday night, but mine was probably the biggest.

Raising the Roof!  A whole host of fantastic musicians and singers helped to do just that. First, we had superb buskers - Paul and Drew - at the entrance to the hotel as guests were arriving (the very same Paul who came into the hospice last week – thank you Paul!) Then, there was Cara and Eoin, entertaining the guests as they arrived in the ballroom with their beautiful folk music. Then there was Annie playing piano to accompany the video. Gorgeous. Then Annie moved her piano to the other side of the hall in preparation for the Heart of Scotland Choir. Aw man, I can’t tell you how much I loved singing with the choir at my own fundraising event. I was so chuffed that so many members came along to support the night and it’ll go down as one of my very favourite choir gigs. Here’s my son Gordon doing his thing:

There was the small matter of me singing my first solo part too (I don’t think I’ve felt that nervous since I sat my driving test...), which made the whole thing even more memorable for me personally. Following on from the choir came Gordon’s band ‘A Turtle Called Shelly’. They were fantastic! I felt quite guilty as I’d not expected them to be quite so good! I think it was when Gordon told me that his pal Martin would be playing the melodica that the doubts started to seep in! I was actually immensely proud of all three of my kids on Friday night. They all helped me in so many different ways, both during the event and during the weeks leading up to it. Ross was the perfect host, chatting to folk as they tried their hand at the tombola (pick out ‘The Beatles’ or ‘Queen’ and you win a prize, pick out ‘Justin Bieber’ and you win nothing!). And Gemma, well, her turning up completely unexpectedly to surprise me (she had a Uni exam the next day and we’d agreed that her studies had to come first..) was one of the many highlights of my night. As for Alex, well, I simply wouldn’t have been able to do it all without him. I’m so very lucky.

Completing the live music line-up was the fabulous GT’s Boos Band. Their front man and absolutely brilliant vocalist Greig is a popular member of our choir and, together with John Boos (the amazing guitarist who came in and played for a patient not long after I’d started my placement), Iain Donald (an AMAZING bass player) and the talented Simon Pooley (better known as Cymbal Simon) on drums, they produce a sound that is '100% Bona Fide Rock and Roll!'

A couple of my friends from choir, Paula and Carrie, also joined the Boos Band as guests to sing a few more fantastic songs - and that was the line-up complete. It was such an honour to have so many super-talented musicians and singers perform at my fundraiser for Strathcarron - there certainly was no shortage of Music performed straight from the Heart!

So, the night was a resounding success, and I've now got some free time back on my hands. Hmm, let's think now.......

School kids and film-makers

The hospice placement is about so much more than just the music, and yesterday provided another great example of that. I had arranged for a group of school pupils to come along, this time from Wallace High School in Stirling, to perform for the Day Care patients. And they were just brilliant!

Lewis, Ruth, Anna (the teacher!), Louise and Samira

Not only were they brilliant on their respective instruments – the xylophone, guitar, piano and oboe – but they, and their lovely teacher, were also brilliant with the patients. After they’d finished performing, they wandered around the room, chatting to the patients and playing some more tunes – but this time on a much more personal level. I think the patients – and staff – enjoyed the chit-chat just as much as they enjoyed the music. And the pupils certainly seemed to think it was a great way to spend a Wednesday afternoon! I think these wee photos kind of sum it up:


<><> <><> <><>

Louise and a happy chat!



Lewis and a happy hug!

The hospice has the services of an Arts Council funded ‘Film-maker in Residence’ at the moment and Amy Hardie and her team happened to be filming in Day Care yesterday. There are several aspects to Amy’s remit at the hospice. One is to make a documentary about Strathcarron, but another is to facilitate more personal film-making. I think one of the most valuable skills that Amy has to offer is in teaching people – either patients or family members – how best to use a camera to create something that could become a really important keepsake in the years ahead. Bearing in mind that many of Strathcarron’s patients are cared for in the community, and that many of the patients do go home after a short spell in the hospice, the film-making project can have far-reaching benefits, especially for some of the patients’ children. Anyway, I’m digressing! On with yesterday’s story, when Amy and her team were filming footage, I think, for the documentary.

Now, as regular readers will know, my film-making skills are limited; a wee video taken using my phone is about as professional as it gets on this blog! I had a nerve-wracking time at the hospice recently when, in Amy’s absence, I was asked to film a wedding – but that’s something I’d like to write about another time. I only mention it to preface the fact that I’m definitely no professional when it comes to filming! So, it was an interesting experience to watch the professionals at work yesterday. Although I didn’t take my phone out to record the pupils while they were performing (I’m hoping to blag some snippets of that from Amy!), I did want to capture some of the special wee moments that followed their ‘official’ performance. So, sitting opposite 12 year old Lewis as he entertained some of the men in the hospice with his banter and oboe playing, I hit the ‘record’ button to capture the moment. However, as this little bit of footage shows, it seems that amateur capturing of moments don’t count in the professionals books! It was all great fun, and really added to the pupils’ experience – showing yet another wee group of youngsters that their local hospice is very much a bright and cheery place and, more importantly, full of bright and cheery people.

Rewarding and feel-good moments

I was full of good intentions of publishing a post on this blog every week during my placement at Strathcarron. Oops.

Being busy is my only excuse and I’m delighted to report that things are still going really well; music is definitely making a difference! Here’s just one of many examples: A patient’s partner said to me last week, “As I was walking towards the room, I thought I could hear singing. ‘He must have his music on’, I thought. As I got closer, I realised that he did indeed have his music on; playing through the wee speaker you gave him. But that wasn’t the only thing I could hear. It was him. Singing. I’ve not heard him sing for such a long time. I can’t even begin to tell you how good it made me feel.”
It was another example of the far-reaching benefits that go hand-in-hand with making music part of the patients’ lives in the hospice; this particular patient had really enjoyed spending time making up their playlist and chatting with me about some of the music that’s meaningful to them. But his partner had also benefitted by taking some comfort from the fact that her loved-one’s spirits had been lifted enough to sing along to those favourite songs. It might sound like a simple thing, but it was one of many such rewarding moments.

The fifteen hours per week I’m allocated for my placement simply isn’t enough to fit everything in, so I’m doing all of the fundraising part of the project in my own time. It’s now less than two weeks till my ‘Music from the Heart for Strathcarron’ fundraising night and I’m really enjoying pulling it all together. If I’m totally honest though, I’m getting quite nervous about it too; what if something goes wrong on the night, what if people don’t turn up, what if the people that do turn up don’t enjoy themselves etc etc! However, as soon as I start to think like that, I give myself a good shake and go write another begging letter for a raffle prize, or post another request on Facebook for friends to please buy tickets for the night! And, while I’m doing that, I remind myself that if it all went wrong, it would certainly be disappointing but, in comparison to the challenges that face the lovely patients that I have the absolute privilege of getting to know at the hospice, it really wouldn’t be that big a deal.

I’m obviously extremely hopeful that nothing will go wrong and that it’ll be a great night! I’m chuffed to bits that so many fantastic singers and musicians are giving up their Friday evening to come and perform; some of my friends are going to ‘busk’ for the guests as they arrive at the hotel, one of my choir friends and her partner are going to provide the background music as the guests arrive in the function suite and my choir leader – who’s also an incredibly talented pianist – is going to play a lovely classical piece while a short DVD (which I’ve yet to put together – eek!) introduces the guests to the hospice and the project. The evening’s proceedings will then really get going when the fantastic Heart of Scotland Choir take to the (very small!) stage at 8pm. Here's a wee sample of what's in store:



Following on from the choir, I’m giving a young, new band the opportunity to play for a little while (and it just so happens that my son’s the lead singer..!) and then the ‘headline’ act will take over proceedings for the rest of the evening. GT’s Boos Band has an ever-growing fan base in Scotland and I’m delighted that they’re providing most of the music for my night (with the added bonus of a few special guests). Here’s another wee taste of what’s in store:



In amongst all of that, a buffet will be laid out and a raffle will be drawn. I’m so grateful to the local businesses and friends who’ve donated prizes – from bottles of wine to a week’s holiday in a 3 bedroom luxury lodge – every single one of the donations has been extremely gratefully received. I’m still on the hunt for more prizes as I’ve decided to split them up into the main raffle and a sort of ‘lucky dip’. The main raffle draw will include the big prizes and the lucky dip – which can be set-up sort of like a tombola stall – will include the smaller gifts. That’s the plan at the moment anyway! So, if you’re reading this and you live within travelling distance of Stirling, and you’re at a loose end on Friday the 18th of May, why don’t you come along to The Golden Lion Hotel for what promises to be a great night of live music – with a wee buffet, a bar, great raffle prizes and a dance floor all thrown in for good measure. And, simply by buying a ticket and coming along, you’ll be supporting a fantastic charity that supports so many people in its local community. If you’d like more information, here’s the link to the public event page. I’d love to see you there as, hopefully, it'll be an evening full of feel-good moments.

Reaching the half way mark

Friday, I’m sure, would’ve been a sad day for many of my fellow World of Difference winners as it would’ve been the final day of their placement. We were all given the option of working for 2 months full-time or for 4 months part-time and, as we’ve now reached the 2 month stage, it marks the end of some of the winners’ World of Difference journey.

I’m working part-time so have reached the half-way mark and I’m delighted that I still have another 2 months to go! Things on the ‘coal-face’ are going really well with the project; patients are clearly benefitting from such things as having their own music on tap in the hospice, chatting about music and the memories it evokes, and watching musicians and singers perform. I’m also progressing well with organising the fundraising music night, though that’s all being done in my spare time and not under the auspice of the hospice! I’ve hit a few stumbling blocks with some aspects of the project, but I think that probably comes with the territory.

So, the next couple of months will be all about doing more of the same – using music to benefit the patients and wider Strathcarron community – and making sure that everything I’ve set up (and have still to set up) is sustainable. The second half of my placement is going to be just as busy and full-on as the first; I still consider it an incredible privilege to have been given the opportunity to carry out this work and I intend to carry on doing my best to ‘make a difference’ with every hour I spend amongst the lovely staff and patients at Strathcarron Hospice.

Finding a wonderful illustration of the power of music

Some of my Facebook friends have pointed me in the direction of a couple of video clips that’ve been doing the rounds recently. I absolutely love them! They kind of sum up what the very essence of my project at the hospice is all about. The people in the clip aren’t typical of the patients that I’ve been working with at the hospice as they’re elderly residents in an American nursing home; but the principle of using music to help reduce anxiety as well as ‘awaken’ emotions, memories and that very basic ‘feel-good’ factor is very much the same. Parts of the script could’ve been lifted straight from my original pitch to the hospice and the Vodafone Foundation!

I’ve read a lot about the ‘quickening art’ of music, but this is a really lovely illustration of that art in action. It’s at the very heart of what my project is all about; using music – sometimes in its most basic form – as a therapeutic tool to make a difference to the lives of Strathcarron’s very special patients. I hope you enjoy the clips as much as I did:

Learning all the time

One of the things I’m enjoying most about my placement is the opportunity to meet some really lovely people. The evening that Leah came in to the ward to sing, I was aware of one visitor in particular who was clearly appreciating Leah’s lovely voice – and clearly enjoying singing along! I wasn’t properly introduced to Frank till the next day. I was heading out of the ward, after helping one of the patients set up a playlist of her favourite songs, and bumped into Frank in the doorway. After complimenting Leah he told me that he had a lifetime’s experience of entertaining people with his music. It turns out that Frank has his own Big Band and, after I briefly explained that I was trying to introduce more in the way of music to the hospice he, without hesitation, offered to come in to play for the patients.

And play he did! Along with two of his band members, Frank gave up his own free time to entertain the day care patients, their visitors and some of the staff yesterday afternoon. A few of the patients from the ward managed to come along too, and I’m pretty sure that that alone made Frank’s day. His form of entertainment was very different from that of the school pupils – and neither will have been to everyone’s taste – but it was clear that many in the appreciative audience really enjoyed the visit from The Frank Curran Trio!

I’m learning all the time during my placement and one of the things I learned yesterday was to be a wee bit more careful about the volume when musicians are in the hospice performing! Frank had brought along a full kit of amps, microphones, drums, keyboard and bass guitar so the music was pretty loud. That was totally my fault though and certainly no reflection on Frank and his friends. Anyway, it turns out that there was a rather important committee meeting going on in an adjoining room and I gather it was, em, interesting for them to have Matt Munro and Nat King Cole classics belting out in the background! Ocht well, hopefully no harm done and hopefully I’ll be allowed back to Day Care with more performers soon. Possibly some that are just as talented as Frank’s trio, but maybe just a little bit quieter….!

The lovely Frank Curran

A hug from a favourite SAM

I’ve shed a fair few tears over the course of this past couple of days. There are a fair few reasons for those tears, but the main one is the emotional turmoil that's come hand-in-hand with the decision I made to give up my role as a Samaritan.

It’s not a decision I’ve made lightly; I’ve mulled over it for the past few weeks and I’m now content that it was the right decision to make. I’ve been struggling a lot with time recently and I’ve been feeling that some of the things I was committed to weren’t getting the due care and attention they deserved. I don’t feel right about listing all of the reasons why my role as a SAM was the thing that I, eventually, chose to give up. Suffice to say it wasn’t an easy decision and I sincerely hope to return to the organisation sometime in the future. I’m still just as passionate about trying to help people, and their families, who are affected by suicide or suicidal thoughts (have I mentioned that suicide is the biggest killer of young men under the age of 35 in the UK?), but I won’t be doing it as a SAM for the foreseeable future.

I’ve been totally overwhelmed by the lovely, and very touching, messages I’ve been receiving from my fellow SAMS (hence the fair few tears!) and their kind words have really brought it home to me just how much I’m going to miss sharing their company on weekly shifts. Quiet shifts presented a great opportunity to get to know your fellow on-duty SAM, and one of the biggest perks of being a Samaritan volunteer is having access to a bucket-load of compassionate and attentive colleagues to share your worries with – in complete confidence! I’ve met some truly amazing and inspirational people in that wee Falkirk branch office and it was just lovely to see one of them sitting out in the reception area at the hospice this morning! Margaret has been volunteering as a Samaritan for many, many years and I thoroughly enjoyed our shifts together. She’s the first to admit that she’s straight-talking and she's certainly never slow in giving her very experienced opinion – and sometimes in no uncertain terms! I remember one of my first shifts with her. About half way through the shift, I lifted the phone off the hook and told her that I was just nipping to the loo:

“Ocht, that would never have happened in the old days!”, she quipped.

“What would never have happened in the old days Margaret?”, I asked, with my legs crossed.

“We used to do much longer shifts and we always made sure we went to the toilet before we started on duty. We just wouldn’t have taken the phone off the hook for a wee thing like going to the toilet!”

“But we’re allowed to do that Margaret; I remember it from training. And, I’m bursting...”

“Well on you go then! I’m not saying don’t go, I’m just saying you should’ve gone before you started your shift!”

I smiled as I nipped into the loo, thinking about all the times I’ve said to my kids over the years, “Make sure you go to the toilet before we leave/take our seats/get in the car/get on the plane....”.

That was just one little pearl of wisdom that Margaret offered me; there were many more (mostly on a more serious note than this) and I’ll treasure them all. It was just so lovely to see her this morning and share a hug. She was in the hospice to buy tickets for a fundraising event and was telling me that she spent some time yesterday morning reading my wee blog from start to finish! That just about sums up her stamina and dedication to any task in hand!

She tells me that she’s going to keep up with my blog from now on so, Margaret, I salute you! You’re an absolute treasure and I’ll miss you loads. And, I promise, no matter what lies ahead and in whatever role I find myself in in the future; I’ll always make sure I go to the loo before I start...........

Listening to the bloody brilliant John Boos playing for a patient

I just couldn’t think of another title for this post that better summed up how I felt as I left work at 5pm tonight. As I’ve said before, much of my time so far has been spent preparing the groundwork for actually working directly with the patients, but last Friday a member of the medical team suggested a patient that might benefit from a chat with me and asked if I would see them fairly soon. I was more than happy to do that and visited the patient later on that morning. As a result, I feel that I really properly got my placement off the ground on Friday and started doing what I’ve been really looking forward to doing most at the hospice; giving patients time to talk, using music as a catalyst, and hopefully finding some way of helping them as a result of our chat. Now, I obviously can’t go into any details, but I can tell you that the person desperately misses playing their beloved guitar. After discussing whether or not they would find it too upsetting to listen to a guitar being played, the patient was delighted when I suggested that I’d try to arrange for a guitarist to come into Strathcarron to play for them.

I contacted a friend of a friend, someone whom I’ve seen perform live locally and know is amazing on guitar, and asked if he would consider giving up a bit of his time to play for the patient. The result was that this afternoon the lovely John Boos sat on a chair at the side of my first ‘placement patient’s' bed and, amongst other things, played this:



A difference was made to that patient’s day by John’s generosity in giving up his time and by his incredible musical talent – and that made me feel, as I headed off for home, bloody brilliant!

Singing staff!

I’ve found my first act to perform for the patients at the hospice! There we were this morning, me and Kirsty (my line manager), working away on our computers in the office, when we were interrupted by a knock on the office door.

“We’ve come to sing for you!”

Next thing, the door burst open and in piled a bunch of the ladies from the kitchen – all of whom I’d met for the first time yesterday.

“We just think this music thing’s a great idea, so we’re here to show you what we can do!”

Aw man, it was absolutely brilliant! And, those lovely ladies totally summed up the spirit in which – I’m delighted to say – my project’s been welcomed by the staff at Strathcarron. Enjoy!

Clearing the decks

Oh dear; my blog seems to have gone for a Burton these days! I’ve just not been finding the time recently to sit down and write. Having said that, I have been sitting down plenty – and in front of the computer – but much of that time’s been taken up with completing the final assignment for my counselling certificate course, preparing for an interview at Strathclyde Uni next Monday (eek!), preparing the presentation I’ve to give on the last day of my course next Tuesday, getting the ball rolling with fundraising for my placement at Strathcarron and keeping on top of work work. (With, of course, the odd peek at Facebook in between!) The housework’s also gone for a Burton – but I’m not so bothered about that!

I don’t officially start my placement until the beginning of March, but I’m making a start by doing a wee fundraiser so that I can purchase some of the bits and bobs that I need to help bring my project to life. I decided to keep the fundraiser simple while giving it a ‘music’ theme, so I made up a music quiz sheet (if you fancy a shot, check out my Just Giving page!) and I’ve been using Facebook, Twitter, my email contact list, my voice – ocht, basically any method I can think of to punt the idea to as many people as possible! (I’m even using my wee blog...) I’m coming to realise some of the real benefits of social networking; I know it has many drawbacks, but for raising awareness and spreading the word, I think it’s great. I’m attending the ‘World of Difference Winner’s Launch Day’ down in London at the end of this month and I couldn’t help smiling when I read that one of the talks will be on ‘effective blogging’! We’re encouraged to use blogging as a means of raising awareness of our projects and to give a bit of publicity to our chosen charities. I like to think I’m just a wee bit ahead...

So, what am I actually going to be doing at Strathcarron? Well, I’ll be spending a lot of time talking and - more importantly - listening to patients and staff to discover how best music can be utilised to benefit both the inpatients and day care patients. Then I’ll be trying to facilitate some of those suggestions. It could be something as simple as setting up regular visits from local musicians and singers, organising a fundraising concert, installing a system for music to be piped to the bathrooms or treatment rooms, or researching the different forms of professional music therapy available and sourcing long-term funding. I’ll not manage to do all of that in my four month part time placement – but I’ll be doing my best to put every minute available to me and every penny I raise to the best possible use!

Something that I will be able to do straight away is provide MP3 players and accessories, thanks to the generosity of the people who’ve already bought a quiz sheet or made a donation! The idea is that I’ll spend some time with the patient chatting about music that’s meaningful to them so that I can make up personal playlists of their ‘special songs’ to download onto an MP3 player. The patient will have their own collection of special music and songs to listen to on their ‘own’ MP3 player at anytime and anywhere in the hospice – be it in bed, in the bath (with the appropriate equipment – more funds will be required!) or walking in the lovely grounds. If the patient has given prior permission, I’ll make up a wee CD of the playlist as a special keepsake for the family.

I was delighted when the hospice staff (who I presented all my placement ideas to) were most taken with the personal playlist suggestion and that that was the thing they were most keen to see put in place. I can’t wait to get started and the first of March can’t come quick enough. In the meantime, there's a bit of deck-clearing to do with the small matter of an interview, course presentation and manky house to sort out....

Being awarded a placement at Strathcarron

I received a message last week that made me take a sharp intake of breath, then say out loud (even though I was sitting on my own at the time), “Oh My God!.....Woohooo!...... Aw, that’s so Great!.......Oh Help!....”

I think I mentioned, in a previous post, that I was waiting to hear if I’d been successful in an application I’d made for a 4 month part-time placement; well, the message I received started with “Congratulations!” and went on to say “You’ve been awarded a placement on the Vodafone World of Difference Programme.” It’s the news I was so hoping for and I’m still, one week later, over the moon - but also pretty nervous about the task ahead! I’ve not been allowed to write anything about it before now as we were asked to keep it to ourselves until the Vodafone Foundation launched its own press release. Now that I’m free to talk about it, I don’t really know where to start!

I think I’ll leave the details for another post. But, basically, the Vodafone World of Difference Scheme awards 500 placements in the UK each year to people who would like to try to ‘make a difference’ to a charity of their choice. It doesn’t cost the charity a penny and it gives people, like me, who love working for their charity but can’t afford to volunteer for more than a few hours a week, the opportunity to spend more time helping out. I had to put together a kind of ‘pitch’ for what I would like to do and I came up with a project called ‘A Myriad of Music’. I have absolutely no professional qualifications in music, in any way, shape or form, but I do know that music can make a difference to people’s lives. So, I’m hoping to introduce some new things to the Hospice that will be both therapeutic and enjoyable for the patients, and I also hope to raise some money for Strathcarron as part of the process. I'm also really hoping to involve as many people in this as possible (and am hoping for some help along the way!) as music is something that so many people can benefit from - whether it's listening to it, sharing it, performing it or talking about it.

I’ll record more of the details in my next post; I just wanted to note on my wee blog how excited, chuffed and privileged I feel to have been given this fantastic opportunity to work with the lovely staff and patients at Strathcarron. I can’t wait to get started on the 1st of March – and once I manage to get my nerves in check - I’m sure I’m going to love every minute!

Here's the video I made to go along with my application; hopefully it gives you the general gist of what I'm going to be doing.

A bit of 2011 reflection

So, did I manage (√) or not (X) to achieve the things I was aiming for in 2011? Let’s see, in no particular order I was aiming to:

1. Get fit again - X
Failed miserably. Will try again this year. Must stop feeling sorry for myself because I had to give up running. It’s been over three years now – come on, get a grip woman! Get on your bike, get your walking shoes on, get in the pool, get off your arse!

2. Start training towards becoming a fully accredited counsellor - √
After years of toying with the idea, finally took the first step on the road to finding out if counselling’s really for me as a profession by starting the COSCA Counselling Certificate course. Module One: completed successfully with Rowan Consultancy at their Dunblane training centre along with a great bunch of fellow students. Made a special friend for life. Module Two: completed successfully at Stevenson College in Edinburgh, but intensely disliked the way the course was run. Got to know a new bunch of students, some of whom went on to become friends. Learned a lot - from the dreadful tutor - about how not to behave as a counsellor. Module Three: completed successfully with Rowan Consultancy at their Perth training centre. Met yet another new bunch of students and learned a lot - from the excellent tutor - about how to behave as a counsellor. I’m looking forward to starting Module Four next week and hope to be finished by mid-February and be awarded the full Certificate. That’ll be the first step towards accreditation in the bag. Next step – possibly the Postgraduate Diploma at Strathclyde Uni, if I’m successful in my application to the full-time course.

3. Complete some more Open University modules - √
Did lots of mumping and moaning when it came to assignment time, but I miss the essay-writing now that the modules are finished! If I don’t get on to the Postgrad Diploma course, OU here I come again!

4. Keep on top of work work - X and √
Failed miserably at keeping the office tidy; sometimes I was on top of work work, sometimes I was way behind. But, everything that needed to be done got done. That’s an overall tick in my book! Aiming to gut the office this year, keep it tidy and always be on top of work work...

5. Qualify as a Samaritans volunteer - √
Every moment of the long training program was worth it to end up in the privileged position of being trusted by callers - who are often deeply distressed - as they share their deepest fears and feelings. Along with every other SAM, this year I’m again aiming to play a part in reducing the number of deaths by suicide and, in turn, reduce the number of families who are deeply affected by the aftermath of a suicide.

6. Do more at the Hospice - X
Kept up my voluntary reception duties at Strathcarron, but never did manage to fit in the Bereavement Counselling training. I’m still waiting to hear if I’ve been successful in my application for a part-time placement at the Hospice through Vodaphone’s World of Difference scheme. Will hopefully know one-way-or-the-other by mid-January. Expect a very grumpy post if I get knocked back!

7. Stop listening when folk tell you you can’t do things - √√
Managed more than ever before not to let any porcupines spoil my party. I’m definitely getting better at following the ethos that I’ve brought my kids up with. It goes something like: “If someone laughs at you, or mocks you, or tells you you’re not capable of doing something, do it anyway. You’ll gain something just by giving it a go. Go looking for the things that you think’ll make you happy, don’t sit still and wait for them to find you. Your life will be so much better for doing that.”

8. Find a singing group in Stirling - √√√
After years of looking, found THE singing group in Stirling! This time last year I’d never even heard of The Heart of Scotland Choir. Now, it’s a big, big part of my life. I love it. I love the people that make up the whole choir family, I love Monday night rehearsals, I love the gigs and I simply love that something I love to do but have really only been doing in the shower or at parties for the past thirty years has become something I now do regularly here, there and everywhere! I’m so looking forward to more of the same this year!

9. Write more often - √
Even managed to get a little article published in the Samaritans News! Not quite Pulitzer Prize material, but we all have to start somewhere....! This year, yet again, I’m aiming for a proper published article. This is a good example of “it may never happen, but it’s all good as I’m doing something I love to do in the ‘trying’ process!”

10. Get thin again – X
Failed miserably. Must try harder! Have started the year off, a bit hypocritically, by starting on one of these ‘cut out the carbs’ diets. I’ve always been really critical of any method for losing weight that doesn’t just involve eating less and doing more. Sod it. I’m desperate!

11. Be happy - √ and X
It’s not possible to always be happy; let’s face it, life can be really shit sometimes. This year there’ve been times I’ve been worried, angry, stressed or sad. In the words of that famous old geezer Carl Jung, “There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” Still, that doesn’t mean we can’t aim to be happy. So, I’m looking forward to another year of looking for the things that I think'll make me feel happy.

Definitely more ticks than crosses - that'll do for me. Right 2012, let's see what you've got to offer......