a busy, special week ahead...

Today sees the start of a week where Gordon’s heading off to his first full time job in the big grown up world, Ross will be in the throes of organising flights, visas and accommodation for his semester in the States, and Gemma’s embarking on a bunch of graduation celebrations with her university pals, culminating with her own graduation on Friday before she moves down to work and live in London on Sunday! And, thrown into the mix, on the same day that Gemma graduates me and Alex will be celebrating our 25^th Wedding Anniversary!

So, an exciting, emotional and busy week lies ahead. I’m feeling incredibly proud, a wee bit sad, very excited, but mostly really good that my wee crew are happy and getting on fine and I so appreciate how very lucky I am to have what and who I have in my life - family and friends alike. I hope never to take any of it for granted.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how incredibly lucky I am to be surrounded by people I love and people who love me - and about how important it is to me that we’re able to talk to each other about what’s going on in our lives. It’s also important that we can express how we feel about the stuff that’s going on in our lives, without ever worrying that we’ll be met with anything other than acceptance, compassion and an understanding ear. I guess I’ve been thinking more about all that kind of stuff recently as I was a wee bit upset last week when the transparency of who I am and the way I do things was challenged, and I was questioned as to whether I was being genuine in both my behaviour and attitudes.

 I guess it shook me up a bit and was a stark reminder that I really don’t feel good when I’m exposed to personally aimed scepticism or cynicism. I think that’s probably the same for most folk. The sad thing is that that kind of thing can happen even in the places that we think should be the most safe and accepting. And I guess I was a bit more upset than I would normally be when I’m met with that kind of a thing because it came at a time when my precious kids are venturing out into the big, exciting, wonderful – but also sometimes sceptical, cynical and scary – world. I guess it was a stark reminder that they too will sometimes feel let down, misunderstood or mistrusted and, in typical mum fashion, I just wish I could make the world a cosier place for them all!

However, what makes me feel really good is the fact that as they do head off on the next steps of their exciting journeys, they do so safe in the knowledge that their auld maw and paw, and some of their good friends, have loved them (and will continue to love them) wholly, and unconditionally, simply for who they are. And that knowledge, just as was the case for me last week, will hopefully make the cynicism of the porcupines that they’re bound to come across (remember them, from this previous post) a whole lot easier to cope with! 

So, I'd best be off; I've lots to be getting on with, and sitting blethering to you isn't getting any of it done! Having said that, I've just noticed the time; the boys will be in from work soon....ocht well, I guess my own work work and the ironing will just have to wait! Yup, hearing how Gordon got on during his first day of work, at the end of this first day of what promises to be a pretty special week for the Milne crew, is definitely much more important than a pile of paperwork and a few creased shirts! By this time next week he'll have a week at work under his belt, Ross will be more organised for his semester in America, Gemma will be a graduate and will be living in London, and Alex and I will have had a Silver Wedding Anniversary. With a wee sad and happy tear I can safely say that the very thought of it all is what's making me feel good today....

Feeling good being with someone who usually makes me feel bad....

Unfortunate timing means that by this time tomorrow I’ll have been on three different training courses within five days; a one-day training session for one of my voluntary roles, the first two days of my Module Three COSCA course, and a one-day course at the Hospice. As a result, my head’s a wee bit puggled tonight and I’m struggling to string even a few words together, but something happened that made me feel so good, I just had to scribble it down.

You know how we all have porcupines in our lives? You know the kind of folk I mean? No matter how happy, excited or optimistic we’re feeling when we bump into them, by the time we’ve parted company our bubble’s been well and truly burst by their spiky cynicism.  Well, I bumped into someone tonight whose attitude has affected me in precisely that way for years and I’m so chuffed that I managed to walk away this time with my bubble well and truly and firmly intact! I’m not sure why I was better equipped to resist the comments that would, in times gone by, have upset me, dented my confidence or spoiled my mood but - whatever the reason - our little encounter left me feeling great!

Someone once said: “a cynic can chill and dishearten with a single word”, which pretty much sums up the effect that this person used to have on me. I don’t think they ever will again though; surely once you’ve come through the attack of a porcupine with a smile still securely planted on your face, you’ve set yourself up to resist future bubble-bursting attempts?! And, if I do find myself wavering the next time, it'll be well worth remembering what someone else once said: “Watch what people are cynical about and we can often discover what they lack.....”