Dad

A load of things over the past few days have resulted in me thinking a lot about my Dad. A lovely long chat with my friend Linda on Friday, catching up with old school friends on Facebook, an emotional evening with my Mum – for all different reasons these things, amongst others, have contributed to me having one of my ‘just wish Dad was here’ kind of moments.

It’s over seventeen years since he died, but I feel the pain of losing him as sharply now as I did back in October 1993. The feeling doesn’t last the way it used to, but it’s still horrible. The day before Dad died, we’d been over for a lovely family Sunday dinner. Ross was only five weeks old and Gemma was just two.  My brother, his wife and their three year old twins were there, along with my aunt (my Dad’s twin sister) and uncle. Dad was his usual lively and cheery self; cooing over the new addition to his brood of grandchildren, down on his knees playing with the kids, joking around with us, keeping the wine flowing, helping Mum out in the kitchen, dishing out the meal and just loving having his precious family all around him. Dad was a big lover of life, an eternal optimist and everyone’s friend. He hadn’t been ill and there was absolutely no reason for any of us to suspect that within 24 hours he’d be gone. He’d often joked that his time would come when he was 57, as that’s what age his own Dad was when he died.

Twenty five days after his 57^th birthday, the day after our lovely family dinner, a massive heart attack stole Dad away from us. He was here, living and laughing one minute, dead and gone the next. Just like that. All the plans for a long and happy retirement with Mum were wiped out in one big shitty moment. A future of watching, and nurturing, five grandchildren as they grew up was snatched away. My mum was left to carry on without her soul mate and best friend. We all felt as if something sharp had pierced our hearts and taken a big chunk of it away – only, unlike Dad’s, our hearts were strong enough to survive the pain. It was so unfair.

I was the apple of my Dad’s eye (at least I was until Gemma came along!); he made me feel special, he filled me with confidence; he never held back in telling anyone who would listen how proud he was of me - no matter how small the achievement - he made me feel safe and secure and I loved him very much. We’d always been close as Dad and daughter (apart from some hairy moments during my teenage years) and, as I grew up, we became even closer as friends.

Moments like this today – just wanting Dad to be here, wishing he was here for mum, wishing he was here to see his family all growing up, thinking about the massive impact he would have had on our kids' lives and, really, just longing for one of Dad’s big proud smiles and wrap-around hugs – make me feel as sad now as they did all those, nearly 18, years ago when he died. Obviously it’s a different kind of sadness and the pain, although still as sharp, doesn’t have the same long-lasting effect that it used to have. But I know I’ll never be able to completely shake off that horrible feeling of it just being so unfair along with the longing to have my Dad back.

It’s the same for everyone who’s lost someone they love... Actually, no, it’s not the same; I don’t think anyone can ever fully understand the depth of another person’s emotions when they lose someone they love. And I don’t think we should even try. We can empathise, listen, hug and just be there – but I don’t think we should say that we understand. Everyone’s loss is different because we’re all different. Every relationship is different. Every circumstance is different. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain that Linda lives with every day since tragically losing her little boy. And I can’t begin to contemplate how hard it must be for a friend who lost her sister when she was at school and her son when she was an adult. I could go on, listing many other friends and family members who’ve suffered the loss of someone they love – as we all could. Death is a sad, shitty fact of life, and something that we all have to cope with on all different levels. It’s not the same for everyone, but a bit of empathy, a quiet ear and a broad shoulder can go a long way to helping make the pain a little bit easier to carry.

So, where’s my good, positive note to end on. Well, I attended a wee rehearsal tonight in preparation for my first ‘gig’ with the choir tomorrow. I’ll be singing my wee heart out (possibly in the pouring rain) and thoroughly enjoying doing something that I’ve loved doing ever since I was a wee girl. My big brother used to shout at me to shut up, but my Dad always told me to sing out loud and proud.  He loved to sing and could turn his hand to most musical instruments. Tomorrow we’re singing at a ‘Legends’ football match in Airdrie (you’ve got to start somewhere you know..!) and one of the team captains is Derek Johnstone, the ex (and now very big!) Ranger’s player. My dad was a Rangers fan (I haven’t inherited that from him as I don’t give a hoot about football) and I know he would’ve been chuffed to bits to see me in the choir at this event. So, I’ll be thinking about Dad and singing with a big smile on my face tomorrow. You see, although he's not here to see it, Dad's had - and continues to have - a huge positive influence on me, giving me a determination to make the very most of this little life of mine  - a life that I love and treasure so very much.

Happy, smiley Dad at my 21st!

Something worth getting up early on a Sunday for

Getting out of bed at 5am on a Sunday morning wasn’t easy, but it had to be done if I wanted to go with Ross to the Edinburgh Half Marathon. This was the first time that he was going to be running with the name ‘Milne’ on his chest, instead of a number – a gesture often made by race organisers to highlight some of the elite runners - so the 5am start was a small price to pay for being there to support him.

There’s always a fantastic buzz about a city when there’s a big running event going on, and Edinburgh was no different on Sunday. The half marathon started at 8am, then the full marathon set off at 10am. All in all, around 15000 runners descended on the capital – and then there were all the friends and families who’d come along to provide support. It was pretty special, watching Ross in the pen at the front of the field along with the handful of other runners who’d been allocated a name rather than a number. Bryan Burnett (the Scottish DJ and broadcaster who’s also a keen – and pretty good – runner) was commentating and I was literally grinning from ear to ear when he announced Ross’s name along with the other older, much more experienced, athletes at the head of the pack of half marathon participants.

Now, once the excitement of the race start was over, I had to make my way from the top of Regent Road to the top of Market Street to catch a supporter’s bus; the race route took the runners way out of the city centre to finish in Musselburgh, so buses had been laid on to ferry both spectators – and runners when they’d finished – there and back. For those of you who don’t know Edinburgh, the walk from Regent Road to Market Street only takes about 10 minutes and it was a great atmosphere heading back past all the hundreds of runners in the crowds still making their way down to the start line. There was the usual mix of serious club runners, joggers and guys dressed up in big hairy dog costumes; they all had electronic chips on, so it didn’t matter that it was taking them a while to make it to the start as their ‘chip time’ would be taken from when they actually crossed the line.

The excitement and spring in my step soon dissipated when I turned the corner from Princes St towards Waverley Station and saw the massive queue waiting to get on the buses. Shit! I started to panic that I wouldn’t make it to the finish in time to see Ross cross the line. For a fleeting moment I considered jumping in a taxi – the car was parked too far away and I didn’t have a clue how to get to the finish by car anyway – but, the bus pass had been provided free with Ross’s ‘elite runner’ gumph, so I was bloody well going to use it! Ross’s PB for a half marathon was 80 minutes, so I figured there was plenty of time – and I presumed that the organisers had taken the vast numbers into account, so, I joined the queue and moved slowly towards the waiting buses. Forty minutes after Ross had set off, the bus left.

Now, you’d think that the organisers would allocate drivers for duty that day who knew how to get from Market Street to Musselburgh. 60 minutes after Ross set off, I was sitting somewhere outside Musselburgh in a convoy of buses that had taken a wrong turn and were trying to figure out which way to go next. Eventually the drivers sussed it out and we arrived at Wallyford Bus Depot (apt name me thinks), around 69 minutes after the race had started. There was no one there and no directions to tell us which way to go. The depot seemed out in the middle of nowhere. I quickly legged it – well, as quickly as someone who’s not supposed to run and who’s laden down with her son’s jumpers, water and food for after the race can leg it - in the direction that I thought seemed most obvious and, approximately 74 minutes after Ross set off, I spotted a big crowd of spectators standing on a street corner. Forgetting that I’m not supposed to run, I ran towards the crowd, politely pushed my way through, turned my head and could have wept when I saw, running towards me, the distinctive yellow and blue Central vest and the even more distinctive running style of my son! What luck – out of 5000 runners, Ross was the one that was about to run around that corner just as I’d arrived at it. I crossed over to the middle of the road: a) to get a better view of Ross and b) to ask the race marshal how far I was from the finish.

“Haw you! You’ll need tae move fae there. Get back across the street!”, a big burly guy in a yellow jacket, who looked more like a security guard than a race steward, shouted.

“Are you kidding? That’s my son coming, I’m going nowhere pal!”

It was a relief, and just felt brilliant, to be able to give Ross a cheer on at last! After he’d passed, I asked my new friend what was the quickest way for spectators to get to the finish line. I knew I wouldn’t see Ross cross it, but I wanted to be there to meet him at the end.

“You’re not allowed to go to the finish.”

“Pardon?!”

“No spectators are allowed past this point.  You have to go the reunion site and watch the finish on the big screen.”

“Where’s the reunion site?”

“About a 15 minute walk up this road. It's miles from the finish.”

I won’t repeat my response.

Taking in my surroundings, I noticed that there were big barriers with black out screens preventing spectators any access to the final stretch of the race. I’ve never seen anything like it. I made my way towards the reunion site, cursing the organisers of the event for the shambolic system in place for spectators and hoping that the experience had been different for Ross and all the other runners. At the end of the day, the athletes are the most important people in a race, but the spectators also have an important role to play and I felt let down by the organisers of this event.

To top it off, the big screens were showing videos of last year’s T in the Park! I'm not quite sure whether there was a technical hitch, or whether someone had just forgotten to change the channel to the race coverage, but it was a farce whatever the reason. I eventually met up with Ross at the top of the cordoned off street that the runners had been directed towards after they'd finished, received their medals and goody bags and, eventually, been given their water. The top of this street was also barriered and screened off, and the stewards – who, again, looked more like bouncers (maybe the T in the Park package came with free security staff..?!) – were most efficient in stopping proud family members walking down the street to greet the runners they’d come to support.  

Absolutely none of this mattered to Ross; he'd had a great run, finished in the top 20 and wiped four minutes off his PB. And, within seconds of meeting him and exchanging sweaty hugs, it was all totally irrelevant to me too. Ross had come to Edinburgh with two main aims; to achieve a new PB and to enjoy his run. And, at the end of the day, that was all that really mattered. So, we headed off for the shuttle bus back to the city centre, full of chat and both agreeing that it had been a great morning. Yup, definitely one that was worth getting up early for.

A curry night with a difference..

When my pal Julie asked if I’d like to go to the theatre to see Hardeep Singh Kohli as a treat for my birthday, I had to Google the name to find out who he was. As soon as I saw his photo I recognised him; you know the guy? He’s a Glaswegian broadcaster, big bloke, wears a turban, was the runner up on Celebrity Masterchef - though he’s much more familiar to me as ‘Naveed’ (from Still Game)’s brother and as a regular panellist on Question Time. Anyway, the show was excellent. Basically, it involved him chatting to the audience, and a couple of surprise special guests, while he cooked a curry on the stage. It felt a wee bit like sitting round a pal’s kitchen table, blethering while they rustled up the dinner. The guests turned out to be Nick Nairn and, best of all, Sanjeev Kohli – better known as Naveed!

It was unfortunate that the MacRobert (Stirling’s theatre) was half empty; though that’s not unusual and it certainly didn’t spoil the show. I don’t know whether hardly anyone from Stirling likes going to the theatre, or whether they just choose to go to Glasgow and Edinburgh when they do. I’m pretty sure it’s the latter; and, most of the ‘big’ productions don’t come to the MacRobert – so, maybe folk don’t realise the high quality of the shows that it sometimes does host? I mean, if you go along to see one of the local theatre groups, or school shows or gang show etc in Stirling, it’ll be packed out every night with families and friends. Maybe that’s it, maybe folk think of it as just a wee theatre for local, amateur productions? Anyway, I think their marketing department should be doing a better job!

After the show, I bought one of Hardeep’s books and stood in the queue with my friends to get it signed. I don’t usually go in for that kind of thing, but I’d really enjoyed the show and wanted a wee keep-sake from the night. While I was waiting my turn, I commented on the fact that my nose was still running after sampling the delicious, but very hot, curry he’d made on the stage. (Some members of the audience got to sample his cooking, and I was one of the lucky ones - even better, it was dished out to me by Nick Nairn!) Hardeep heard me, so signed my book, ‘To Jane and her streaming nose’, which I thought was a nice wee personal touch! Then, while I was waiting on my friends, I spotted Sanjeev Kohli standing over in the corner of the foyer. The couple of glasses of wine before the show and at the interval worked their wonder and I sauntered over to ask him to sign the back of my book (which, on reflection, was a bit rotten for Hardeep as it was his baw). Anyway, I said hello and asked if he would sign the book and make it out to Jane. My friend Pamela chipped in from behind me, telling him it was my birthday the next day. Without any hesitation, he jumped from speaking to me in his broad Glaswegian accent to being Naveed in saying, “Aw, Happy Birthday Jane, ya big boot!”, which he also wrote on my copy of Hardeep’s paperback!  We stood and blethered for a good ten minutes or so, as you would with someone you’ve just met down the pub, before it was time for the girls and I to head for home.

It was altogether a lovely night; spending time with some of my friends, getting entertained and cooked for by Hardeep Singh Kohli, getting served by Nick Nairn and getting called a boot by Naveed. Definitely one to remember!

A perfect few days

Sometimes when I’ve had a really great day (such as Sunday in St Andrews) a few, sort of anti-climax days tend to follow. Fortunately, that’s not been the case so far this week.

I met up with my lovely friend Claire for a quick cuppa yesterday morning, a perfect start to the day before heading off to do some voluntary work through in Falkirk. I did a bit of work work when I got home before shooting out to choir. Anyone who fancied auditioning for a solo part had been asked to come along earlier than usual so, as he was up for it, I took Gordon along to join the others who’d decided to give it a go. I was totally in awe of them all. They walked up to the front, one by one, and sang their wee hearts out in front of Annie, Jane and the rest of us. They were all fantastic (though, I’m slightly biased of course towards the youngster who sang “Chasing Cars”, but that’s a mother’s prerogative!).  A wee part of me wanted to get up and try – but I completely bottled out. Now, anyone that knows me well will know how annoying I can be at hogging the microphone whenever there’s an opportunity to stand up and sing in a social setting! But, it’s a different matter standing up and singing on your own in front of a bunch of gifted singers! It takes a different kind of guts, and confidence in your ability to sing well, to audition like that. Think I’ll just stick to the backing vocals!

The rehearsal itself was great. Annie does this thing of ‘revealing’ the new song; she doesn’t tell us what the song is, just starts to play it on the piano and, when folk ‘get it’, they start singing along.  As more and more of the choir start to recognise the song, the sound gets louder and bigger. Clapping and cheering follow, as the song choice always meets with enthusiastic approval! Then, each section is taught their part and, what started as a bunch of folk singing along to the tune, is quickly transformed into a choir of voices singing in perfect harmony! (OK, maybe not always perfect to begin with, but it never fails to amaze me how quickly we start to pick it up!) Speaking of perfect, that was one of the new songs last night, ‘Perfect’ by Fairground Attraction. They were one of my favourite bands in the eighties and I love that particular song; it was released in 1988, the year that  Alex and I  got married. Last night, the verses were sung beautifully by three different soloists – one of them was my old friend, Sandra,  which made the choir’s version all the more special!

At the risk of this blog becoming a running commentary on the Heart of Scotland Choir, I’ll finish on a different personal high note. I thoroughly enjoyed being at the course through in Edinburgh this morning, which was a real breakthrough after three weeks of doubting my decision to change venue. Today I felt as if I was sitting in a room with a bunch of friends, rather than a bunch of students – and that really did make me feel good.

It’s been lovely tonight to do nothing (except a bit of work work which should’ve been done this afternoon when, instead, I was enjoying a leisurely late lunch with my pal Sue) and draw breath after a busy few days. All in all, it’s turning out to be a perfect Birthday week!

A special day on the beach

Today’s been one of those days that I wish I could package up and keep so that I could play it over and over and over again. I’ve explained in a previous post why Chariots of Fire is kind of special for us and I was extremely proud, a few weeks ago, when Gemma was selected to take part in the filmed re-enactment of the opening sequence. Well, today was the Chariots of Fire 5k Beach Race - another event to celebrate the 30^th anniversary of the film’s release – and Derek, our coach, had been invited to compete as he was one of the original ‘beach’ runners in the film. There was no way that the Milne crew were missing this one!

We arrived at the gorgeous West Sands of St Andrews this morning with a car packed full of stuff and goodies for a post-race barbeque with some of our friends from Central AC. Some of them had already arrived and, while we were setting up camp on the beach, Gemma and Tola came strolling along the sands too. They’ve both got exams coming up, but were taking some time out to join us. With all our family’s different things going on, it’s not that often these days that we’re all out together; consequently, I kept doing that thing of standing back and savouring the moment (and probably looked like a bit of a numpty in the process!).

After a good bit of pre-race banter, the runners all gathered at the start line. Fortunately the wind died down and the big blow-up gantry didn’t take off, but there was a hitch with the sound system which meant that,  unfortunately, the Vangelis theme tune didn’t blast out as planned when the runners set off.  However, it didn’t matter as the race itself was a fantastic spectacle with over 200 runners, all clad in white and some bare-foot, bounding off in to the distance. The runners were met at the half way point by the swirl of pipes before turning and bolting back to the finish. I was just about beside myself when I spotted Ross heading back along the beach to come in first, closely pursued (well, not that closely...) by Alex in second place.  A steady stream of runners followed, with the rest of the Central AC crew - Gordon included – all doing themselves proud. One of the really special highlights of the day was cheering Coach across the line – it must have been such a poignant (as well as knackered!) moment for him.

After the race Derek was invited, along with two of the other original runners from the film, to speak at the prize-giving. Watching Alex, then Ross, walk forward for their prizes, with Coach there beside them, brought a wee tear to my eye! It’s hard to explain; the event wasn’t a big, fancy one, it didn’t count for anything; it was really all just for a bit of fun and to raise money for charity – but I probably felt just as proud and touched by this event as I would’ve done had it been a big, national affair. More often than not, it’s the people you’re with and the surroundings you’re in that make a thing special – no matter how simple or small that thing is. Today was a perfect example of that for me.

More banter, burgers and big cakes followed at the barbeque, which rounded off a pretty perfect day. It’s another one to add to the list of great occasions we’ve had with our friends from the athletics club. You know, running’s a brilliant way to keep fit – but it’s also a brilliant wee community to be a part of. Today was a happy, special reminder of that - and one that I’ll not forget for a long time to come.



The Milne Crew





Post -race warm down: Chariots of Fire - Central AC style!



Finding my voice - kind of...

I’ve been work working most of the day. Every now and again, to break the monotony, I’ve been logging in to the choir ‘channel’ on YouTube in order to practice the songs that I’ve missed. (This highlights another advantage of working from home – no one can hear me screech!) Annie puts such a lot of time and effort in to recording each part on to the channel. It must take her ages; she plays the piano and sings along for each and every part (melody, low harmony, middle harmony etc) for all the new songs, but I’m so glad she does! It’s a brilliant way of helping us learn at home.

On Monday, while I was sulking with my sore throat, the choir members that had made it along to practice were learning ‘Angels’. It must be one of the best known pop songs – I know it word for word so trying to learn the low harmony has been a nightmare! I just keep falling into the trap of singing the song as I know it. Even with the fantastic help of Annie’s YouTube video! All those ‘Singstar’ and ‘beer-bottle-in-the-living-room’ nights are now coming back to haunt me! Hopefully I’ll have cracked it by next Monday night, or I can see the rest of the crew from the low harmony group wishing I’d never joined! Anyway, the positive for me is that I can, as last, join in again as my voice seems to be more or less back to normal – whether I’ll be managing to get the songs right is another matter. Hopefully, a bucket load of enthusiasm will make up for the odd wrong note or two!

A night with Tim Minchen

What an eejit! It just dawned on me that Anne McGuire wasn’t involved in the elections last week as she’s an MP, not an MSP. In my last blog post I said I was glad that she’d been voted in last Thursday! The wonders of technology allowed me to delete the comment – but once I’d deleted it I kind of regretted it; maybe I should’ve just left it alone. It was only a wee faux-pas and, in real live conversation we can't go back and delete inaccurate or inappropriate comments. Still, this isn’t real-time live conversation – so I’ll leave it deleted and anyone reading the post in future won’t think I’m an eejit....unless they then read this post...hm, think I’ll just move on from this one...

Alex and I had a brilliant night out at the theatre in Glasgow last night. Tim Minchen’s an Australian performer who’s unbelievably clever as a comedian, lyricist and musician and has a totally original approach to stand-up. He was supported on stage by a 55 piece symphony orchestra and he told stories and sang songs that made me laugh out loud one minute and cry the next. He jumped from big, dramatic numbers (most of them taking a really clever rise out of religion), to hilarious wee anecdotes, to songs that were both thought-provoking and very funny, to poignant little masterpieces performed by just him and his grand piano. As much as I really enjoyed the comedy, my favourite part of the night was when he ended the show with ‘White Wine in the Sun’. It’s a song about Christmas - totally out of season, I know - but I was so pleased he included it. Me and my friend Jono are thinking of starting a campaign to help Tim Minchen steal the number one slot from Simon Cowell with this lovely wee song! What d’you think?!

The concert was a perfect escape from a weekend that saw me sitting in front of my computer, from very early Saturday morning till very late on Sunday afternoon, finishing off my last Open University assignment. Well, I say last – what I really mean is the last for a while. As much as I found it hard to motivate myself to write this one (and every other one during this course), I have a feeling it won’t be long before I’m signing up for another module. Once the dust settles, I’ll probably be digging out the prospectus again, having forgotten how skilled I’ve become at procrastination!

I’m off to collect Gordon now from choir. My voice still isn’t back to normal, so I’m following doctor’s orders this week and resting it. I considered going along and just singing quietly - but, that was my intention last week and it was nigh on impossible not to join in and sing out loud! An aching throat all week was the price I paid, so the quiet option tonight was sensible – but really brought it home to me how much I love my new singing group and miss it when I can’t go along. I’m sure Gordon will keep me up to speed with any new songs from tonight – but it’s not the same as being there. Roll on next Monday night and a, hopefully, frog-less throat!

A special bunch of pals

I don’t usually have the telly on during the day, but I had it on in the background yesterday so that I could keep up to speed with the election results. Who would’ve thought that the SNP would win so emphatically?! I’m hopeless when it comes to politics, so there’s not much point in me saying too much more about it, other than I’m glad that Bruce Crawford, our constituency SNP candidate, was elected. 

He was the only local candidate that I saw campaigning in our village and he actually phoned me at home! In a fairly lengthy conversation we discussed an issue that caused a bit of an upset recently in our wee village. Basically, the council had pushed forward a proposal to build some houses in our community centre field. Most of the local residents, including me, weren’t opposed to houses being built, but many of us were unhappy with the proposed site for a variety of reasons; mostly in relation to road safety and the loss of a popular community playing field. There were other sites that seemed more suitable for new housing, but the council were reluctant to use them. Anyway, the SNP councillors were behind the proposal to use the site but at a recent planning meeting the Labour and Tory members, fortunately, voted against it. The week after the meeting there was a report in our local paper which included a quote from one of the SNP councillors stating that the opposition to the proposal had been a case of “middle class areas looking down their noses at social rented housing”.  I was absolutely beelin’ when I read that. If any of the SNP councillors had taken the time to come along to the meetings in the village, as the Tory and Labour guys had done, they’d have heard a whole load of our villagers speaking up in support of new social housing. It was the site that was opposed, not the proposal itself – and a variety of alternative sites were suggested. They’d also have seen the big truck parked in our driveway and the mucky working boots on our doorstep; hardly the signs of a “middle class” snobby household!

So, back to Bruce Crawford. During our conversation he apologised for not getting involved in the issue at an earlier date, and explained that the councillors didn’t represent his view. Easy to say that, I know, when the votes have been cast and the proposal’s not going ahead – but, I did appreciate the fact that he took the time to discuss the matter with me and that he apologised for any upset that the councillors had caused! Whether he meant it or not, it was nice to hear a politician make a personal apology! I had been swithering about who to vote for, but the effort made by Brucie swung it!

My friend Linda also had a visit from her local SNP candidate. As she explains in her blog, it was the only time she saw anyone canvassing in her area and, because of the interest shown in an issue very close to Linda’s heart, it made her more likely to vote for that party. I guess the old fashioned way of knocking on doors does work!

Speaking of Linda, I had such a lovely time with her and two of my other friends from my old course last night. I hadn’t seen Claire or Sharon since our very emotional last day in Dunblane, so it was just brilliant to catch up again. Special friendships like ours don’t come along all that often and I consider myself extremely lucky to have these lovely people in my life. We could’ve blethered all night, but all had things on today so didn’t stay up too late. I’ve been up since early morning trying to write the last fecking essay of this OU module – the blog’s been a welcome escape! I’m determined to get it finished before the weekend’s over, so back to it. I’m looking forward to feeling great when it’s done!

Keeping busy

We took Mum for a wee trip to the Loch Fyne Oyster Bar for lunch on Monday. It was a lovely drive up there and we did have a nice lunch though, I must admit, I think the smoked salmon out of Sainsbury’s is just as nice! The drive home was a wee bit fraught; the traffic was horrendous as everyone and their granny was on the road, and I was desperate to get back in time for choir. Fortunately, we made it just in time.

I still didn’t have much of a voice - but didn’t want to miss another rehearsal - so I went along with the intention of trying not to sing too much. I thought I could just, kind of, listen and learn, or just sing along quietly. Hm, best laid plans and all that...! I couldn’t resist and thoroughly enjoyed straining my vocal chords to the limit, belting out the lower harmony parts in all the songs we sung. It’s incredible how quickly the songs come together. Annie, ‘the choirmaster’, rattles through the different parts with such clarity and infectious enthusiasm that it makes learning the new parts so easy. OK, maybe easy isn’t the right word because some of the harmonies are pretty tricky (for me anyway), but she somehow manages to at least instil the confidence to give it a go, even if you’re not getting it quite right!  I’m back to non-stop lozenge-sooking to soothe my aching throat – but the pleasure I got from singing with the choir on Monday night made the pain that’s followed well worth it.

Choir was good for Gordon on Monday night too as it gave him a welcome escape from revising for his Standard Grades. Poor soul’s had three exams in a row this week so far, and has another one tomorrow. He’ll be glad when they’re all over in a few weeks time, and so will I as I’ll get my happy son back! (I also can’t wait to get my kitchen table back!)

My course on Tuesday was ... fine. I think it’s going to take a wee while to settle in to working with the new group, but I’m still enjoying the challenge. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow night as my pals from the last module are coming for a get-together. It’ll be great to catch up with them; this new course has really brought it home to me just how lucky I was to land on my feet with such a lovely group of girls last time around. I’m pretty sure I’ll make some new good friends in Edinburgh too, but it’s just going to take a wee bit longer.

Apart from a lovely morning with Gemma in Glasgow on Wednesday, the rest of the week’s been taken up with work work, mainly the sodding VAT return. Yeuch. I sometimes question if work work (in other words, Impressions in Stone work) is suffering because of the courses and voluntary work that I’m now doing.  However, the OU module ends next Tuesday (I’m trying not to think about the fact that I’ve got an essay to write before Tuesday so I’ll not mention it again...) so I should be a wee bit more focussed on work stuff. Well, for a wee while anyway – till the next new thing comes along...!

Sunshine!

The sun’s been shining since Friday. Like most folk, when the sun's out it doesn't take much to make me feel happy so I've had a great weekend.

It was a public holiday on Friday as it was the day of the much-hyped royal wedding. I’m not a royalist, but I thought Will and Kate’s wedding was lovely. I remember the day that Charlie and Diana got married. Alex and I wanted to be as far away from the telly as possible. We were only 17 and couldn’t give a monkey’s about the royal family or the royal wedding. We went for a long walk, stopped for a wee, ahem, rest in a field up by Palacerigg Country Park then came home to find my Mum and her friends still glued to the telly and still discussing Diana’s dress. I remember being angry about the amount of money being spent on all the pomp and circumstance and just thinking it was all so over the top and ridiculous. I felt very differently on Friday – but I can’t really explain why. Just like my mum all those years ago, I was glued to the telly and still discussing Kate’s lovely dress with all and sundry hours after the event. It was just a real feel-good occasion (and I did think her dress was gorgeous!).

On Saturday Alex and I went for a drive to one of the forest trails near Aberfoyle. I sat in the sun and read my book while Alex went off for a wee run, then we drove through the forest and on to The Byre for lunch. We’ve not eaten there for years. In fact, the last time was when we had a meal out to celebrate our neighbours’ wedding anniversary. They’re still our neighbours, but we don’t really see them socially any more. It can be quite awkward when that sort of thing happens; you become really friendly with your neighbours when you first move in, then start to drift apart – and it’s not always because you dislike each other, you just get to know each other a bit better and realise that you’re just not each other’s social cup of tea! Anyway, it was nice to be back at The Byre where we sat outside in the beer garden and had a lovely wee cock-a-leekie crumble (delicious!) in the sun.

On Saturday night we helped out at the Strathcarron Hospice Ladies Midnight Tiara Walk. It’s an event that started a couple of years ago and I usually ‘do’ the walk. Around 2000 women leave Stirling Rugby Club at midnight, all wearing flashing pink tiaras, and walk either 5 or 10 miles around the city. It’s a fantastic spectacle and a great event to participate in, but I enjoyed being there as a steward last night and shouting (well, as much as you can shout with laryngitis) encouragement to the walkers.

The only drawback with helping at the Midnight Walk was that I missed a social night out with folk from the new choir. Gordon went along himself. I think one of the signs of a good community is the extent it will go to to make its new members feel welcome and like they belong. And Gordon certainly felt like he belonged last night! He was singing and dancing and making new friends into the wee small hours. I’m really hoping that my voice will be strong enough to let me go along to rehearsal tomorrow night so that I can start to get to know more of the choir members a bit better too (I am also looking forward to the singing!).

Today I’ve done absolutely nothing. Well, not nothing; I met Alex for a lovely al fresco breakfast at a wee cafe in Bridge of Allan (Alex had been for a long cycle and I drove out there to meet him), I hung out a few washings, I went for a wee walk round Watson House and I pulled out a few weeds (few being the operative word!). Other than that, I sat on my backside out in the garden soaking up the sunshine, slept a bit, read a bit and enjoyed a barbeque with the boys tonight. A perfect lazy Sunday with no guilt at not really doing anything constructive (I had been out helping with a charity event into the wee small hours remember..!). And, tomorrow's the May day holiday. Hooray! Hopefully the sunshine will last just one more day - though I really should do something a bit more productive...but then again, it is a holiday....and sitting in the sun reading counts a wee bit as productive, doesn't it..?!

Alex's photos

A few weeks ago Alex was asked to carry out a survey of the decaying stonework at the top of the Church of the Holy Rude which, as well as being the second-oldest building in Stirling (after the Castle), is one of the hill-top structures that make up the Stirling skyline. The Holy Rude will always be kind of special to us as its refurbishment back in 1989 was the first large sub-contract that Impressions in Stone (our wee business) landed and was the one that brought us from Glasgow to Stirling. Some years later, Alex was asked to carve a plaque to commemorate the coronation of King James VI in 1567; The Church of the Holy Rude is the only church in Britain, other than Westminster Abbey, to have held a coronation and still be a functioning church today. The commemorative plaque is embedded in the floor of the altar and was unveiled in a special ceremony, which Alex was invited along to, by the Queen in 1997.

Over the years, we’ve carried out various bits of restoration works to the Holy Rude, so Alex feels he knows the place pretty well. However, the area he was surveying a few weeks ago was somewhere not seen by very many visitors to the church - right at the very top of the building. I went berserk when he came home and told me that he’d had to clamber around one of the top finials to get a proper look at the stone. I’ll not say much more about his antics that day just in case any over-zealous H&S officers come across this blog!

While he was swinging from the dodgy stonework, Alex found time to take a few photos of the fantastic view. Since the Stirling Observer (our local newspaper) is always asking its readers to send in photos of the surrounding area, I emailed a selection of Alex's along with some short captions to explain where the photos had been taken from. I didn't really expect the paper to publish any of them.

Imagine my surprise when I opened The Observer tonight and saw, taking up the whole of page two, Alex’s photos and a wee article about them! The article had been written as if Alex had been interviewed, or had submitted text – neither was the case! I just emailed the photos with a short explanation underneath each one. We reckon the journalist must have checked out our website to get a little bit of background information and added a few quotes (plucked out of thin air) to make the piece a bit more interesting!

We won’t be suing for defamation of character as it was great to get a wee bit of free publicity – and the ribbing that Alex is getting from everyone is a small price to pay! Hope you like the pretty pictures:



My crazy husband clambered around this narrow ledge...



...to get this lovely shot!





Looking forward to making some noise

Losing my voice is such a pain in the proverbial:

I was gutted that I had to miss choir rehearsal last night. One of my new singing friends, Drew, suggested ‘Vocalzone’ lozenges – I’ve never heard of them, but anything was worth a try. They're brilliant, and definitely work better than Strepsils and such like – though, if you’re tempted to try them, be warned: even if you don’t have a blocked nose they’ll make your nose stream and they’ll also make your tongue feel as if someone’s taken a hot iron to it! However, even ‘Vocalzone’ couldn’t coax my throat back in to action, so I just had to sit at home and sulk. It didn't help that Gordon came home raving about what a great time he’d had and how they'd been singing Katy Perry’s  ‘Firework’! If you’re feeling a bit crap about yourself and need a bit of a pick-me-up, this is a great get-up-and-bloody-do-something-about-it-because-you-do-have-it-in-you kind of song. OK, so some of the lyrics are maybe a wee bit naff – but I love it, especially the bits that go:

“Do you ever feel already buried deep?
  Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
  Do you know that there's still a chance for you
 'Cause there's a spark in you?”

Then, after belting out the chorus,

“You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow"

Yup, love that wee song.

Today was the first day of my new course in Edinburgh and not being able to properly join in with the group discussions was really frustrating. I was also a wee bit sad at one point, thinking about how much I’d enjoyed the last module and how much I was missing the great people that I worked with. However, I quickly reminded myself that the reason I’d changed course was so that I could learn alongside a completely different, bigger group – and they do seem like a nice bunch. They know nothing about me as I couldn’t really say much – ah well, maybe that's not such a bad thing!

I’d forgotten, until this morning, that I’m supposed to be working at the hospice tomorrow but I just didn’t have the heart to phone and cancel; it’s such a faff for them to find a last-minute replacement. Fingers, toes and everything else crossed that my voice is back in the morning so that I can answer the phone and greet visitors with, at the very least, an audible ‘Hello’!

So, I’m sooking ‘Vocalzone’ (and can no longer feel my tongue); I’m gargling with salt water (yeuch); I’m drinking green tea with honey (sounds horrible but is actually quite nice) and I’m completely resting my vocal cords by not even trying to whisper. Surely, after all that, my voice will be back to some kind of normality tomorrow? 

It's just the very thought of being able to chat, laugh and sing normally again that's making me feel good tonight!

A quiet day - though not through choice!

I had a lovely meal out with some old Central AC friends last night to celebrate our pal Helen’s birthday. Some of the girls went on to the pub afterwards but I just came home because, as the night went on, I started to lose my voice. Typical!! I join a new singing group then get struck down with bloody laryngitis!! My voice held out long enough to recite the wee birthday poem I’d written for Helen then enjoy the meal, and all the banter that went with it, but by the end of the night I was hoarse. Consequently, today I’ve been sooking all kinds of lozenges in the vain hope that my voice will be back to some kind of normality in time for tomorrow night’s rehearsal.

The developing laryngitis aside, it was great to catch up with my old running friends. However, any occasion that we get together is full of mixed emotions for me. I’m always happy to see everyone and we always have a good laugh, but being with them all also reminds me of how much I miss my running days, so the get-togethers are always tinged with a wee bit of sadness too. It’s weird; I live in a house where running plays a pretty central role - Ross and Alex are still committed members of the athletics club, there’s hardly a day goes by that one of them doesn’t go out for a run,  and hardly a weekend goes by that we’re not away to some race or another - but it’s really only when I’m with my running friends, or reminiscing with my old running partner Elaine,  that I get a bit maudlin about the fact that I can’t run any more.

I used to love running. I was never that great at it and didn’t really compete (except in things like the Women’s 10k and Race for Life), but I loved it. I especially enjoyed it when our whole family used to go to training on Tuesday and Thursday nights. There was a time when all five of us were running seriously and our lives pretty much revolved around athletics and the club – we’ve got loads of great memories from that period in our lives. Not just of training nights, but also of the many social occasions, get-togethers and trips away (which, I’m pleased to say, we still sometimes join in with). The girls that I was with last night and I were part of the endurance group at the club - some still are - and we’d sometimes join in with the serious training but, more often than not, we would just go for a long run. As I said when I was reciting Helen’s poem last night; if exercising your tongue made you run faster, we’d all have been elite athletes by now!  I think I’ve probably mentioned here before (because I do tend to moan a bit about it!) that bits of my bobs have let me down and, for health reasons, I can’t do high-impact exercise any more. That rules out running and aerobics; two things that I used to thoroughly enjoy. However, it’s not that big a deal in the whole scheme of things and there are plenty of other sports that I could get involved in, if only I could motivate myself off my backside to get on with them! I half-heartedly get on my bike sometimes, and I go for walks – but nothing does it for me the way that running used to. I think I’ll always hanker after it.

Anyhow, enough of the maudlin! Today’s been a really quiet day – mainly because I’ve not been able to make any noise – but a really nice day. Ross was away climbing up The Cobbler with some pals and Gordon was away to the movies. We’ve never really done the big family Easter Sunday thing, and mum's down south visiting her sister anyway, so it was good just to sit about and do, well, nothing really – sook some lozenges, watch Alex working out in the garden, read the papers and faff about on the computer. Topped off with a beer (very soothing to the throat..) and barbeque. That was about the extent of it. Yup, it’s been a lovely lazy Easter Sunday...

...though it would’ve been a great day for a leisurely Sunday run...!

Remembering my 10 seconds of fame!

Following on from my last post, another nice thing about joining the choir was meeting someone that I’ve not seen for a long time. I used to know Sandra when I lived in Bannockburn – over 15 years ago – and it was really lovely to catch up with her again. While we were chatting, she said that she’d seen me on the telly a few years ago.  She couldn’t remember what the programme was – and I initially couldn’t think either - but then it dawned on me; it was the news footage of Gemma returning from Space School!

Gemma had been awarded a place on the Scottish Space School programme; an incentive that took around 50 sixth year pupils to a course in NASA, Texas, for a week. She had a brilliant time and it was a fantastic once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but it was made all the more exciting by the fact that they got caught up in Hurricane Ike while they were there! Fortunately for the students, the hurricane struck towards the end of their week, so the Space School programme wasn’t too disrupted, but it did mean that they were evacuated and re-located a few times and that they couldn’t fly home when they were supposed to. This was pretty trivial in comparison to the loss and devastation suffered by the people who lived and worked in the area and it was a huge life experience for all of the students and staff on the trip. They were all really well looked after and there was never any real danger of them being badly injured – but it was a pretty scary experience for them all the same. The hotel that they stayed in originally was completely wrecked by the hurricane and, consequently, was shown repeatedly by the national news programmes – which was pretty difficult for us parents back home to watch!

Sandra saw me on the telly because the news cameras were in attendance at Glasgow Airport when Gemma and the rest of the students eventually arrived back to a warm, and relieved, welcome from their parents. Gemma was the first student to be interviewed and, since I was standing beside her, they asked me a few questions too. The result: we were on the news that night and I had my 10 seconds of fame!

I hadn’t thought about it all for a while and, after speaking to Sandra, I  wondered if the footage was still out there. I typed ‘Space School Hurricane Ike’ in to the YouTube search bar this morning – and there it was (and here it is if you'd like a look!) Gemma will probably kill me for posting this link, but hey-ho...it's my 10 Seconds of Fame and I'll post if I want to! 

Sang my kind of songs

At last, I’ve found the singing group in Stirling that I’ve been looking for! I collected Gordon from a concert at the Albert Halls (not THE Albert Hall; Stirling’s Albert Halls) a few weeks ago and, when he got in the car, he was full of how much he’d enjoyed the evening. He turned to me, after raving about how fantastic the show had been, and said, “You know how you’re always going on about finding a choir in Stirling that’s full of nice people and sings good, modern songs? Well, I think I’ve just found you one!”.

So, off we both trotted last night - feeling a bit nervous I must admit - to our first rehearsal with The Heart of Scotland Choir. I know this’ll sound a bit corny but you know how sometimes you go along to something and you just know instantly that it’s going to become a big part of your life? Well, that’s exactly how I felt last night. Me, Gordon and the rest of the new choir members walked in the door to a warm welcome from the lovely Annie and her equally lovely sister Jane, who founded the choir back in October last year. They explained how the choir has grown in both strength and numbers and, in turn, has become so much more than just a group of like-minded people getting together to enjoy making music. They explained that it’s also become a wee friendly, supportive community – and I definitely saw that in action when the ‘seasoned’ members arrived for rehearsal a short while later.  Everyone was so warm in their welcomes and it wasn’t too long before both Gordon and I felt completely at ease in amongst our new friends!

As for the singing, well, what can I say?! You might remember how much I enjoyed going along to another singing group a few months ago, but the old Burns and other traditional songs just weren’t really doing it for me. Last night the first new song that Annie (whose enthusiasm is totally infectious) taught us was Coldplay’s ‘Fix You’ - which is one of our family’s favourites! It’s usually belted out on the way home in the car from some night out or another (“...lights will gu –i –i -ide you home...”) so Gordon and I were in our element! Having said that, some bits were a bit tricky as I kept lapsing in to just singing the tune that I know so well! However, with the help of some of the more experienced members of the lower harmony section, I started to get the hang of it and I couldn’t believe how quickly it all came together. I thought it sounded great, especially after such a short time practising, and the old endorphins were definitely back in action! I had a thoroughly great time and cannot wait to go back next week. Mon the choir!

Procrastination

I’ve had a lovely weekend as a result of procrastination. An online assessment for my OU course opened on Friday night and I planned to finish it before the weekend was done. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans...

We picked Gemma up from the airport on Friday night and, although she was shattered, she talked non-stop from the moment she got in the car till the moment she went to bed. She was up early on Saturday morning and, just as I was about to make a start on my assessment, Gemma started to chat again. Now, how irresponsible would I be as a mother if I didn’t spend some quality time with my daughter before she headed back to Uni? So, laptop was snapped shut and and that was Saturday morning’s course work out the window!

Gemma talked herself to sleep by lunchtime so I made a cuppa and fired up the computer again. Just as I was about to start, Ross reminded me that he’d been emailed the lease documents for his Uni accommodation and that they required checking over and signing. We finished doing that then, just as I was about to make a start on the assessment, Alex arrived home from work. How rotten would it have been not to spend some time with my wonderful hubbie when he’s come in from a hard morning’s work? So, I obviously had to sit down for a cuppa and blether with him.  And that was Saturday afternoon’s course work taken care of.

Later on, we took Gemma up to St Andrews (as her car’s still not fixed) and met up with Tola, Gemma’s lovely boyfriend, and Oyinkan, Gemma’s lovely best friend, for dinner. St Andrews is such a nice wee town and it was a great place to be on Saturday night. It still strikes me as funny when I think back to my perception of St Andrews before Gemma became a student there. When I was little, St Andrews was a nice place to go holidays in our wee caravan and I remember it having the best ice cream ever from a cafe called Janetta’s. When I was at school, I thought of St Andrews as the place where all the toffs went to Uni and where rich Americans played golf. When I was at Uni, St Andrews was one of the places to go on a road trip and have a drunken barbeque on the beach. When the kids were little, St Andrews was a great, safe place for my mum to take her brood of grandchildren for a wee break away from their parents. Years later, I realise that St Andrews is still all of those things, but I also know that it’s not only toffs that go to St Andrews Uni (though there are a fair few!) or our Gemma definitely wouldn’t be there!

So, that was Saturday night out. Oh, and I should mention the drive back – absolutely gorgeous skies surrounded us the whole road back home. A perfect end to a lovely day.

It was a toss-up on Sunday morning between a) doing the OU assignment, b) watching the London marathon on the telly and c) sunbathing. My middle name is Rose – quite apt really as, when the sun comes out my head turns towards it! So, c) won – with regular updates on the progress of the marathon from Alex before he headed off to Grangemouth Stadium to compete in the Scottish Athletics Men’s League. Alex loves competing for his club and, as one of the, ahem, older generation of athletes, he’s always delighted when he’s selected to compete on the track. Because not many of the younger athletes are daft enough to do the steeplechase, it’s the event that Alex is most commonly asked to do at the league matches and, although he wasn’t happy with his time yesterday, he came in 3^rd and picked up valuable points for the club. My hero! I don’t like watching Alex running round the track umpteen times, jumping over big hurdles and a big pool of water as I’m always worried he’ll do himself an injury, so I stayed at home to do my assessment.  

However, instead of knuckling down, I decided it was far more important to spend some quality time with my mum - so I picked her up and took her to Dobbies for a donner and a scone. Isn’t it funny; the first sign of real sunshine and the garden centres are heaving? I did what I always do on my first visit of the year to the garden centre; bought a load of wee plants, got home, planted some of them and left some of them ‘till later’. Just like every other year, those wee pansies in the almost-empty black tray will never get planted; they’ll dry out and die and Alex will say ‘What a waste of bloody money!’.

Then, it was such a lovely evening. I couldn’t possibly consider sitting inside in front of the computer – you just never know how long this nice weather’s going to last and we really have to make the most of it! So, we had a barbeque, by the finish of which it was far too late to start any kind of studying. And, anyway, Gordon – whom I’d hardly seen all weekend as he’d been away at one thing then another – suggested settling down for a family movie. Ah well, there was always tomorrow.

And, indeed, tomorrow turned out to be the day that the procrastination stopped! This morning I got up early, got my work work out of the way, opened the online assignment, got stuck in and managed to complete it in a couple of hours. It turned out not to be too difficult and it left me wondering, as usual, why I was putting off doing it. Sometimes procrastination can result in a load of stress because something’s been left till the last minute but, fortunately, my procrastination over the weekend resulted in me having a thoroughly enjoyable couple of days – not doing anything wildly exciting, but just enjoying what and who I have round about me. If only procrastination always produced such a good result....

Dear Green Place

Gemma’s wee car had to go into the Smart garage in Glasgow today so, since she’s still down in London at her JP Morgan insight week, and since Alex had a few jobs to see in Glasgow, we took a wee jolly through. I love Glasgow. It’ll always be special because it’s where my dad was born and raised, it’s where Alex and I went to University, it’s where we first lived together, it’s where we were married and it’s somewhere we’ve spent many happy times with many good friends over the years. I especially love the West End - as that’s where the University is - but I just think that Glasgow, in general, is a lovely, friendly and beautiful place (well, most of it anyway!).

We moved from Glasgow to Stirling in 1990 because of a change in our work circumstances. At that time we thought we’d move back at some point, however, we settled really quickly in to the Stirling area and Glasgow soon became a nice – and nostalgic - place to visit, rather than somewhere we wanted to live.

Ross is heading off to one of ‘the other’ universities in Glasgow – Strathclyde – in September and I’m sure he’ll enjoy everything that living and studying in the city has to offer. He’s only just sorted out his accommodation, so Alex and I fitted in a wee look while we were through today.  The block he’s staying in is a five minute walk from the Business School (where he’s going to be studying International Business), and it’s a stone’s-throw from the hip-and-trendy Merchant City. Perfect!

I’m delighted that Ross is going to be a student in Glasgow but he does face one major drawback; poor soul will have to put up with his auld maw and paw harping on about their student days in the Dear Green Place – and they certainly could tell him a thing or two about how to enjoy student life! Hm, on second thoughts, maybe I’ll just keep schtoom and not give too much of that away.....!

Stirling's skyline

I love the view of Stirling’s skyline, especially as you drive towards it from our village, and yesterday morning it was particularly stunning. We had left the house just before seven o’clock - as Alex and Ross were competing in the Edinburgh Half Marathon - and it was great to be up and out so early on such a beautiful day. As we drove along the carse, we were spoiled with the sight of the surrounding hills and the skyline ahead of us; all of which were draped in a hazy blanket under the rising sun. The photos I took don’t really do the scene justice (possibly because I was leaning out of the window while the car was still moving!) but I’ve posted one here anyway. I’ve, unfortunately, missed the Wallace Monument, so the outline isn’t quite complete! Gemma’s pretty nifty with her all-singing-all-dancing camera and she took some photos too – if she ever gets round to sending them to me, I’ll replace my crappy snap with one of her better ones.

Apart from looking pretty, the Stirling skyline makes me feel good for another reason. I used to help out with the organisation of the Stirling 10k Road Race and was privileged enough to hold the position of Race Director for a spell. I loved being involved with this fantastic event and am proud of my small contribution to raising its profile and, in turn, having it selected be a Scottish Athletics Grand Prix event and the venue for the Scottish 10k Championships. I absolutely love the fact that Gemma designed the logo that’s been on the front of the Stirling 10k t-shirts for the past five years. We had put our heads together and come up with the idea of an athlete sort of merged into the Stirling skyline. It worked well and, consequently, the drawing has been printed on to over 5000 t-shirts. I still get a buzz when I’m at a running event and I spot an athlete sporting one of our t-shirts – especially when it’s at an event that’s a wee bit further afield. The Stirling 10k will be celebrating its tenth anniversary this September, so the new Race Director may well change the design of the t-shirt logo. However, I’m sure I’ll still see some old shirts from years gone by kicking about at running events well in to the future – a simple thing I know, but it makes me feel good!

(p.s. We all had a good time in Edinburgh. Unfortunately though, Ross had to pull out of the race due to an injury, but he ran a good seven miles before he had to stop. There’s always a positive slant; it meant that Alex had one more supporter there to cheer him in at the finish – and finish he did, maybe not in as good a time as he would've liked, but still in good style!)

End of year return returned

I was pretty miserable when the alarm went off yesterday morning; one of the things I hate doing for our business is the payroll year-end return and, as I like to get it out of the way as soon as possible after the 5^th of April, yesterday was earmarked for getting it done and dusted. We only have a few employees, so administering the payroll isn’t really that big a deal, but I always dread doing the annual return in case it throws up any mistakes I’ve made. Thankfully, it usually all goes swimmingly, turns out to be not such a big deal after all and is over and done with before I know it! Yesterday was no different and it felt great, at the end of the day, to hit the ‘submit’ button on the Inland Revenue website.  All over for another year – and that really did make me feel good!

I’m always amused when folk say things like:

(a) “It must be really hard to motivate yourself when you work from home”. No it isn’t; if the work doesn’t get done the mortgage doesn’t get paid. Pretty straightforward really.

And:

(b) “It must be great when you work for yourself; you can just take the day off whenever you feel like it”. Not quite! Certainly not whenever you feel like it – see (a) for clarification – but sometimes it is possible to take the day off on a whim, and that definitely is one of the perks of being your own boss.

Today was one of those days – I treated myself to a day off doing any work work as a pat-on-the-back for finishing the payroll return and submitting it successfully. It was also a bit of a celebration as it was the last time I have to deal with any paperwork concerning our ‘thorn-in-the-side’ ex-employee! (See this and this for further clarification!) I didn’t do anything wildly exciting; halved the ironing pile (which means it’s back to being a stable structure!), caught up with some personal banking stuff that I’d been putting off for ages, read for a wee while, did a bit of supermarket shopping (oh what an exciting life I lead...!) and had a nice lunch out with Gemma. To top it off, we had a barbeque tonight – first of the year - as it was such a lovely evening. A perfect end to a busy, but really good, working week.

Roll on the weekend!

(p.s. although this post is dated Saturday, it's really still Friday night - just so happens that it's after midnight)

A hug for Maria

I was in my favourite wee coffee shop, Cisco's, with Gemma this morning. I wrote about Cisco’s back in January on the day of Angela’s funeral (Learning from Angela) but I’ve not been in to Cisco's for a while and it was lovely to see David (the owner) just getting on and doing his thing; no matter when I pop in, there’s always a welcoming cheery smile from him and the rest of the staff behind the counter. It’s always an added bonus if one of ‘the girls’ (David’s sisters) are around too and today I was in luck! Maria was there and it was just great to share a wee hug, ‘hello’ and catch-up.  Maria read the most amazing eulogy at Angela’s funeral and I’ll never forget the courage and compassion she displayed that day. I was also deeply touched this morning when she told me that her and the rest of the family were able to draw a little bit of comfort from reading my tribute to Angela and that she 'shows it to everyone'. It’s the first time that I’ve felt this blog has served any kind of useful and meaningful purpose, other than making me feel good. I’m proud, and humbled, by the fact that doing something I love - writing – has helped the lovely Tortolano family, even if it is only in a tiny wee way.

Another way that folk, in general, can help the family (and others like them) is by supporting them in supporting the hospice where Angela spent her last days. Angela herself raised lots of money for Strathcarron while she was a patient there, and thousands of pounds were raised at the collection following her funeral. Some of the girls who work in Cisco’s are running this year’s Women’s 10k in Glasgow in memory of Angela and to raise even more funds for the hospice. There’s a sponsor sheet lying on the counter of the cafe and, this morning, the guy in the queue in front of me filled in the form then handed over £100! I couldn’t quite stretch to that much but, every penny counts, and my small contribution, I know, will be appreciated just as much. I’ve actually seen that first hand at the hospice; when I’m helping out on the reception desk and someone calls in with a donation, just as much thanks and appreciation is shown to the lady who is handing in £10 as is shown to the man who is handing in £1000.

So, if you happen to be in Stirling between now and the 8th of May, and you fancy supporting a very good cause while enjoying a cuppa in a lovely wee friendly cafe, I'd recommend that you pop into Cisco’s in Port Street! The staff will be delighted to see you and, if you fill in the form on the counter, you’ll be helping the many people who benefit from the special care that Strathcarron Hospice gives to those who are terminally ill. I can also guarantee that you’ll be doing it all while enjoying the best cup of coffee that Stirling has to offer!

Heading out instead of studying

I should be getting ready to go to an Open University tutorial this morning, but I’m giving it a miss as Alex and Ross are running later in the Buchlyvie 10k. I’m feeling a wee bit guilty as I often cite one of the down-sides of distance learning as the fact that there is little, or no, contact with other students or your tutor and the tutorials are an ideal way of improving that. However, today I would simply rather be out in the April sunshine (fingers crossed!) supporting my boys in their race than be stuck in a tutorial room at Stirling University.

The tutorials aren’t compulsory, so I won’t be losing any marks, but they are useful for a bit of extra support. I suppose it comes down to a matter of choice and priorities; although the courses and extra ‘stuff’ that I’m doing at the moment are really important to me, my family and all their bits and bobs still come first. That’s not to say, however, that there won’t be times I’ll have to forego something family-related when the choice isn’t so straightforward; if attendance at the tutorial today had been a compulsory element of the course, I would definitely have been going along! Also, the next module of my other course is going to be on every Tuesday morning and starts right slap bang in the middle of Gordon’s standard grades; I felt really guilty when I told him I wouldn’t be able to drive him to school any Tuesday morning that he had an exam. Our kids get the bus to school, but I’ve always driven them in on the days of important exams. That won’t be the case for Gordon’s four Tuesday standard grades.

Gordon’s reply, when I was apologising and telling him how guilty I felt that I wouldn’t be there for that last bit of moral support on the way in to school in the car was, “Don’t be so ridiculous Mum, I’m not the least bit bothered, you don’t need to give me a lift!” (not sure if he meant in the car, psychologically or both!). “I’ll get the bus or a lift from someone else in the village”. Gordon’s response really brought it home to me that we mums often feel guilty about not ‘helping’ our kids when they don’t actually expect or need that help. Gordon simply didn’t see it as a big deal – whereas I felt as if I was letting him down.

Now that I come to think of it, I’m probably letting him down much more by not going to the tutorial today. I’ve been harping on to Gordon about how important it is to prioritise studying over this next wee while if he wants to do well in his exams (to little or no avail I might add!). Not setting a very good example, am I?!! Ah well, too late now – sunshine, running and, hopefully, cakes in Buchlyvie beckon!

Anyway (she says defensively), I'm sure that Gordon seeing me studying while he's off school over the next fortnight will be good example enough and hopefully encourage him to open his books too....which just goes to highlight another thing that us Mums are often guilty of; big dollops of wishful thinking!