I went through to Edinburgh yesterday for an informal interview with one of the tutors at Stevenson College. I’d applied there to do the next module of my course and the tutor wanted to meet with me - really just to suss out if I would be suitable for joining his established group as a newcomer. Fortunately, we hit it off and I’m really looking forward to starting the module in a few weeks time, but I have to be honest and admit that I’m also a wee bit apprehensive. It is going to be a bit of a challenge joining a big group - whose members have been working closely together and getting to know each other for the past few months - however, I’m up for it and raring to go!
I couldn’t have done it when I was younger – I didn’t have anything like the confidence or motivation that I have now. I was one of those kids that wouldn’t go along to anything new, or join any groups, unless one of my pals was doing it too. I was too worried in case I didn’t fit in; I hated that feeling of being the odd one out and never really knew how to deal with it. And, I always thought I was rubbish at everything. I used to drive my mum and dad round the bend, especially at exam time. I’m sure I said “I’ve failed” after every single test or exam I sat at school and Uni – I was a terrible judge of my own ability and always felt that I had done badly. I’d usually done well enough and never did fail! (Well, except for this one time in first year at Uni when I’d made the mistake of taking Chemistry, yeuch, – I only just managed to scrape through the re-sit!) I look back and wonder if it made me feel safe to be pessimistic about the results, so that I couldn’t be let down. I’m so pleased that none of my kids have been like that.
Anyway, that was way back then. I'm now much more likely to try new things – even if it’s still with a bit of trepidation – and I've developed a bit more faith in my ability to do some things well. Only a little bit. I’ve driven Alex and the kids mad with every assignment and essay I’ve submitted over the past couple of years, but at least I’ve progressed from “I’ve failed” to “I don’t think I’ve done that well”. Maybe in a couple of years I’ll have moved forward even more and be saying “that was a dawdle – easy pass!” but, in the meantime, I’m happy just to keep on enjoying the journey that'll maybe take me to that stage!
When Thomas Eddison had been trying for a long time to invent the light bulb he was interviewed by a journalist who asked him why he kept persevering when so many of his experiments had failed. His response was that he hadn't failed, he'd succesfully found hundreds of ways that didn't work.
ReplyDelete{Silly things like that come to me sometimes}
Good news. I'm sure the tutor feels the same way. He wouldn't risk letting you into the group if he didn't think you would add to the dynamic.
Well done.
Thank for directing me here Jane , I forgot to add earlier that another thing I tell people, because as I say I never take my own advice but had to give it because I have just left the board of a coalition of disabled people, anyway as I was saying another thing I tell people is its not failure falling down and getting up it's failure when you fall down and don't try to pick yourself up. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAlistair - I think I'll print that out and stick it to my fridge!
ReplyDeletePaul - Great advice! It sounds to me as if you definitely have been taking that good advice though and I'm sure you'll continue to do so.
Nice of you to pay a visit to the blog - feel free to join me any time! (Nice to get away from the rough and tumble of the OU group sometimes!)
Great Jane! I love your positive thinking & how you're raring to go. I'm a big believer in always pushing ourselves to our limits.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nicky! Yup, I'm a great believer in making the most of things and, even though I've always been for bad for doubting my own ability - I've always believed in looking on the bright side of life!
ReplyDeleteHi Jane, I am glad you hit it off with your new tutor. One thing I know, you might feel nervous but give it a few weeks and you'll have made loads of new friends and they will probably feel like you have been with them from the start. Enjoy your new module! your anon pal x
ReplyDeleteThanks pal - I hope you're right! I was really spoiled during the last module with such a lovely bunch of people - but that's not what the course is really about, so I'm looking forward to the challenge!
ReplyDeleteHey Jane - you will be an asset to the new group just as you were an asset to ours. Remember to view yourself as all us others view you - From my viewpoint your confidence and love of life shines through, good luck xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks for that Linda. Everything we learned from each other is going to help us progress in the module - and, same goes, the next group you join will definitely benefit from all you have to offer.
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