Getting ready to head for home

Our wee whirlwind trip to the States is drawing to a close. We've crammed a lot in and we've really made the most of our time here, but the past couple of days have definitely been my favourite part of our stay - and the most emotional!

There's so much I'd like to jot down - my  head's full of everything we've done and everything I've felt during our stay - but it's too much and I only have time to jot down a wee bit before it's time to get up, get breakfast, get packing, get lunch with Ross, get to the airport and get on the plane home.

It was twenty years ago on Friday since my Dad died. A familiar but indescribable and overwhelming pain engulfed me that night. Time hasn't dulled the pain of losing my Dad, it's simply weaved a silvery web over the gaping hole in my heart, never closing it completely and always leaving just enough space for my sorrow to occasionally seep through. That's how it is for me anyway. Everyone's experience of grief is different. That's just how it is for me. Every now and again it seeps up, I sob uncontrollably, I feel a physical stabbing pain in my chest, I sob uncontrollably, I see my Dad smiling and waving to me just like he did the last time I saw him, I cannot believe it, I see myself furiously shaking my head to make it not real, I sob uncontrollably, then it gradually subsides and I feel an overwhelming sense of relief that it's passed again. I guess that lots of people will be able to relate to this in some way, shape or form, but our grief is our own. That's just how it is for me.

That was one sad moment in amongst a multitude of happy ones during our trip. Having some really special times with Alex - just the two of us - then spending lots of really special time with Ross has been simply awesome. It's been brilliant to see Ross happy, settled and clearly making the very most of his stay in the States. And the hugs, of course, have been the absolute highlight!


We've had a blast here; I've laughed a lot, cried a lot, said 'Aw man, that's awesome!' a lot, driven a lot, seen a lot, hugged Ross a lot, said 'Crazy Americans!' a lot, cycled a lot and felt so very lucky with my lot a lot. Yup, it's been a great trip and I've felt really good, a lot! But, it's time to head home now and, even though I'm not looking forward to saying Cheerio to Ross, I am looking forward to getting back home, a lot...