I opened an email this morning (one of these 'Notes from the Universe' thingies) that started:
"What if today was your 'last day'...?"
Ocht, it made me feel so sad. You see, this day, twenty one years ago, was my Dad's 'last day'.
He had no idea, and neither did anyone else (whether the universe did or not is a matter for wider debate...!) that it was his last day. Thankfully, it happened to be a day spent at home with his family all around him. It was just another Sunday. Mum made a roast, and me and my brother and our partners and our kids were there. We all sat round the table, and blethered and laughed. And my Dad was so very happy. He always was when his family were round about him. It was just a normal family Sunday.
Except, it wasn't. Because it was the last day we would spend with Dad.
He wasn't ill, he hadn't been ill, he was 57 and he was full of life. Except, he wasn't.
The next day his heart packed in, all of a sudden, and away he went. He left us behind; shocked, devastated, heart-broken and so very sad.
That email this morning made me feel sad, but it also made me think - as I've often done over the years - about how grateful I am that our last day with Dad was such a lovely one. I'll never lose the pain of losing him so suddenly (it doesn't rise to the surface very often now, but when it does, it's just as sore as it was all those years ago). And I'll always feel cheated and angry and sad that he's not here. I'll always feel like it wasn't fair.
I would give almost anything for one more hug, or to see him smile one more time, or to hear him laugh (he had the most wonderful laugh). But, as ever, I just have to settle with reminding myself that I had 28 years with my Dad, and for that I'm truly grateful. I know I'm biased, but he was just such a lovely, lovely person - and he was just such a brilliant Dad. And I loved him so very much.
I'm having a great day today; I've spent most of it with my wee Mum, I'm heading out for dinner later with Alex and one of my best friends, and I've had some sort of chat with all of my kids at some point or another (as is usual most days thanks to the wonders of What's App, texts and Facebook!).
So, if this morning's email has got a point, and today is my last day, it's been a good one!
On Dad's last day, he was full of life...just as he was every other day. That was just his way.
And, I like to think that - just like my Dad - most of us don't really need an email to remind us how important it is to make the most of every day...we just never know when it might be our last.
Aw pal, it was absolutely right that your dad's last day was with his family. He wouldn't have it any other way. You don't need me to to affirm but your dad was a family man, he truly was a lovely person and he did have the most wonderful laugh, but that's how I remember him too much love your anon pal xxx
ReplyDeleteSimple. Wonderful. Honest. Braw.......
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