Accepting a donation

Instead of delivering Christmas cards to friends and neighbours in my wee village, I give a donation to charity. I started doing this in 2004 and was delighted when some of my friends joined in with me; together we raised the grand sum of £80. The following year, I decided to deliver a wee letter to every house in our village (around 350 or so) inviting all the residents to join in. I explained the idea, stated which charity I would be collecting for and promised that, on Christmas Eve, I would make up a ‘Village Christmas Card’ – which was basically a big poster – that would be pinned up on the notice board in our village square. The poster would wish everyone in our village a very merry Christmas from everyone that had donated to my collection. It would detail how much had been raised, and it would list everyone’s name who had handed in a donation. A sort of Communal Christmas Card! Enough people joined in to make it worth continuing with, so I’ve carried on every year since.

In 2005 we raised just over £500, in 2006 we raised just under £900 and every other year we’ve raised over £1000. Back in the beginning, the money was given to our village’s Elderly Welfare Committee but, in most recent years, I’ve passed the donation on to CHAS (the Children’s Hospice Association of Scotland).

Linda and Gregor

This year, I’ve decided to donate the money to a different charity again - The Scottish Cot Death Trust. I’ve recently become familiar with the incredible job this organisation does in supporting bereaved families, raising awareness and funding vital research through my very good friend Linda. Linda’s little boy, Gregor, died when he was just two years old and, although it was later found that Gregor had an overwhelming virus, his death was initially labelled as ‘Unexpected Death in Infancy’. He went off for an afternoon nap after being out to play one Sunday morning, and never woke up. I’m aware of how little financial support the trust receives from the Scottish government (only 3%), with the bulk of its funding coming directly from Joe Public. I’m also aware that only a tiny number of people are employed by this charity (4 full time and one part time) and that they’re based in a little office in Yorkhill Hospital. I’ve also learned that it’s the only charity in the whole of Scotland that’s dedicated to supporting families who’ve been bereaved through the sudden death of their infant by cot death and SUDI; raising funds for research into the causes of cot death and Sudden Unexpected Death in Infancy; raising public awareness of possible preventative measures; and educating the medical profession, police, the Procurator Fiscal’s office and all the other professionals who might be involved in dealing with the sensitive issues that occur following the sudden death of a baby or child.

So, after notifying the village residents that I’m doing the collection again and telling them which charity I’ve chosen this time around, envelopes containing varying amounts of cash or cheques have been tumbling through my letter box during the course of these past few weeks. I always ask folk to include a note of their names, so that they can be listed on the ‘Village Christmas Card’, and I’m always touched by the lovely messages that some of my fellow villagers write on their notes. This year I’ve had things like; “Thanks for doing this again Jane for another worthwhile cause”, “Another worthwhile charity, keep up the good work!”, and “Hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas!”. However, I was a wee bit taken aback – and a little upset – by the note written on the front of one of the envelopes that was delivered the other day. The envelope contained a cheque, made out to the Scottish Cot Death Trust, but on the front of the envelope was written, “I would prefer CHAS or the Hospice as the charity.” Just like that, nothing else.

My initial reaction was to take the cheque back to the person and tell them I’d rather they sent the money to their own chosen charity, than begrudgingly donate to the one I’d chosen. Then, I wondered if I should phone the person and explain that there isn’t a committee that sits in a smoky room spending hours discussing which charity best merits the village’s hard-earned cash and arguing over the best way to organise the collection – that it’s just li’l ol’ me. I contemplated sending him an email, explaining that we’ve raised well over £6000 for CHAS in recent years and that, in my opinion, there isn’t a sliding scale of which worthwhile cause deserves our donation most; that many, many charities do fantastic jobs and that people will always have their favourites often depending on whether or not they, their family or their friends, have benefited from the support given by one particular organisation. I thought about whether I should write a letter to the person, explaining how horrendous it is for families, like Linda’s, who lay their happy - and apparently healthy - little boy or girl down in their cots , kiss their foreheads and leave them to sleep soundly - only to return a short while later and find them dead. I thought about explaining, in a letter, that this scenario is more common than most folk think and that I think that the organisation - which is trying to help the families, authorities and scientists with everything related to sudden infant death - is one that I’m proud to support. I even considered climbing up on my high horse, knocking on this person’s door, and telling them face-to-face that I’ve personally supported CHAS, ‘the hospice’ (by which I think they mean Strathcarron) and various other charities for many years in many different ways. I don’t categorise one as more important than the other, and I have different personal reasons for supporting each of them. I can’t afford to give money to loads of charities, so I try to help in other ways, like handing bags into the British Heart Foundation shop, or volunteering for SAMS and Strathcarron for a few hours a week, or performing in fund-raising concerts for various different organisations or simply by talking and writing about issues to help raise awareness. I also thought about clarifying to this person that I totally respect everyone’s right to choose whether to join in with my wee Christmas card idea or not; some residents choose not to because they still like to hand out their own cards, some don’t want to donate to my chosen charity and some, as a matter of principle, don’t donate to any charities at all. I respect each and every one of those personal choices. What upset me a little bit was the fact that this person had decided to make a donation and have their name included on the ‘Village Christmas Card’ but had done it with a bit of a ‘Humph’ attached. And that’s why, initially, I wanted to tell this person to take their cheque and stick it where the sun no longer shines!

Anyway, after careful consideration, I decided against doing any of the above! I decided that I’d be cutting off my nose to spite my face. And I appreciated the fact that this person had parted with some of their money, whether begrudgingly or not. And I decided that I’d rather see the money being added to the pot, than handed back. And, finally, I decided that it would be far better to keep my thoughts on the matter firmly to myself......well, sort of.......!